.
...
.
.
<- whoa!
no users online right now.
the waggoner
the waggonerarticles and general riff-raff exceeding your comprehension.
articles - for truelies - short stories - reviews - art - comics - video - games - music - reader mail - let's play - heckles - random insanity
don't know what the hell is going on? neither do we! here's an illustrated explanation.
look at all this new stuff down here. it's all brand spanking new, guy!
no updates today? keep in mind that we have literally six years worth of backlogged crap you can scratch and sniff at your leisure.
try the section links at the top.
look at all this new stuff down here. it's all brand spanking new, guy!
no updates today? keep in mind that we have literally six years worth of backlogged crap you can scratch and sniff at your leisure.
try the section links at the top.
it's stuck!
"NINTENDO FRIENDY-CODE LIST"
7:17:37 am, fri, apr 11th, 2008 pdt
chains worth a damn!
Dynamite Kingdom: Garages Full of Old Men
Dynamite Kingdom
The Spoony Playthrough - Phantom Brave Part 11 (Dialup users need not apply.)
Spoony's Phantom Brave Playthrough
Adventurer's Field Guide page 603 - Doppleganger Menace
The Adventurer's Field Guide
Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5
VIEWTIFUL GONTERMAN
Youtube Gangbang 6/16/08 (Welcome Back Edition)
YouTube Gangbang
recent quick hits!
Military Madness (Turbografx-16)
Virtual Console Quick Hits
VC Quick Hit: Cocoto Fishing Master
Virtual Console Quick Hits
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD (XBox Live Arcade)
Virtual Console Quick Hits
Alien Hominid HD (XBox Live Arcade)
Virtual Console Quick Hits
Dr. Mario: Online ℞ (Wiiware)
Virtual Console Quick Hits
recent rawks!
"NiGHTS: The Third Dreamer Final Page"
Spoony Spoonicus rawked!
6:20:19 am, thu, jul 3rd, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Spoony Spoonicus rawked!
6:19:09 am, thu, jul 3rd, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 4"
Sturm rawked!
6:17:36 am, thu, jul 3rd, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Megido rawked!
4:53:37 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 3"
Sturm rawked!
4:52:46 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 2"
Sturm rawked!
4:50:00 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Robin rawked!
4:46:58 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Batman rawked!
4:46:46 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Avatar rawked!
4:41:42 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Commander Ladd rawked!
4:12:16 pm, tue, jul 1st, 2008 pdt
recent bombs!
"Adventurer's Field Guide page 603 - Doppleganger Menace"
Vinic bombed 5 times!
8:36:43 pm, fri, jun 27th, 2008 pdt
"YouTube Gangbang 04/20/08"
RedCappy bombed 5 times!
5:22:24 pm, mon, apr 21st, 2008 pdt
"Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels (the REAL Super Mario Bros. 2) (NES)"
Shyna El Mensajero bombed 4 times!
1:46:29 pm, mon, apr 14th, 2008 pdt
"The Adventurer's Field Guide, page 337: Dealing with Gravity Demons"
Vinic bombed 5 times!
7:32:20 am, thu, mar 27th, 2008 pdt
"Spinmaster Mini-review"
RedCappy bombed 5 times!
12:59:22 pm, mon, mar 17th, 2008 pdt
that's it, douche!
heckles
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"
Davey-kins ->
<- 12:57:18 pm, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt <- update!.
""
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 5"Davey-kins ->
<- 12:57:18 pm, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt <- update!.""
heckles
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 4"
Davey-kins -> <- 12:56:30 pm, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt <- update!.
""
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 4"Davey-kins ->
<- 12:56:30 pm, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt <- update!.""
heckles
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 3"
Davey-kins -> <- 11:59:58 am, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt.
""
"Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 3"Davey-kins ->
<- 11:59:58 am, sun, jun 29th, 2008 pdt.""
that's the latest of the bunch.
do you want some more crap?
here you go.
do you want some more crap?
here you go.
-> "Top Ten Series' that have Jumped the Shark" -> reviews4:24:49 pm, mon, jun 30th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"I know first-hand that every series is bound to have a bad game here and there, either due to being rushed or just running into a dry period and rehashing ideas from old games, but a few series stick out in my mind that have taken the fall and never been the same since.Being a guy who likes writing top ten lists, I'll go ahead and give you my top ten most shark-jumping series' in recent memory. &p..."
-> "Military Madness (Turbografx-16)" -> random insanity10:54:26 am, mon, jun 30th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"You can pretty much think of Military Madness as a lost branch of Nintendo's "Wars" series, except with a hex grid rather than a square one, and the fact that you can't build new units (but you can capture factories to repair your existing ones). There are a few new mechanics, though, such as granting bonuses depending on the number of units surrounding your attacking unit and your units becoming..."
-> "Toki Tori (Wiiware)" -> reviews12:01:06 pm, sat, jun 28th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"A fun little puzzle game, combining elements of Lemmings and Solomon's Key. The goal is to collect all the eggs on each stage without getting trapped or killed by the enemies. For some stages you'll also get items like bridges to span small gaps or the ability to teleport short distances. While quite possibly being the largest downloadable game on the VC at an enormous 289 blocks, this is worth..."
-> "Adventurer's Field Guide page 603 - Doppleganger Menace" -> random insanity7:31:15 pm, fri, jun 27th, 2008 pdt
"Are you currently staring at an exact duplicate of yourself? Run. Run away. Read this page, then go back. ¶ A common Doppleganger is what you are dealing with. Their bodies change shape, their minds sharpen, and their clothes morph around until eventually they look and think exactly like you. This is a major problem for most magic type adventurers because they know every spell that you do. Fo..."
-> "Unsung Classics: Playstation 1" -> reviews11:07:21 am, mon, jun 23rd, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Yeah, I'm probably going to do one of these for every platform I own. ¶ Bust a Groove - This one had the unfortunate timing of being released before rhythm games really caught on.A pity, as they not only have some catchy tunes, it's got a unique twist on the gameplay as well.The twist is that it's also something of a fighting game - as you pull off comboes a power gauge builds up, and once it..."
-> "Youtube Gangbang 6/23/08" -> random insanity3:49:29 am, mon, jun 23rd, 2008 pdt
"VIDEO RELAY ACTIVATED... ¶ DEFAULT VIDEO LOADED: ¶ YES."
-> "Adventurer's Field Guide pg. 34 ~ Basic Living" -> random insanity3:02:16 am, mon, jun 23rd, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Dear adventurer, let us rest and examine this cool world. Have a mug and polish your favorite blade, for the world is dark for a dirty blade to shine. ¶ Go for a walk. Go to the forest at the edge of town, go deeper into the wood than you usually go and take with ease the resplendant amount of trees. Take the warm essence of the wood and bring it in through your lungs, concentrating on you..."
-> "Nami's Dark Little Secret, Chapter 1" -> heckles1:32:48 pm, sun, jun 22nd, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Alright, since this is a text-based story, we're going to go about MSTing it slightly differently. Since having all the comments and paragraphs tacked on the end would be really awkward, let's do it this way: send me via private message (IRC query, AIM, brick through the window*, etc) the relevant sentence/paragraph and your heckle and i'll post it in the story. It's probably not the most effici..."
-> "Valkyrie Profile in a Nutshell" -> random insanity11:24:24 pm, wed, jun 18th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"This time featuring a game you probably weren't tricked into playing on name recognition! ¶ Platina: Life is wonderful even though my mother is a terrible bitch, la la la Lucian: Hey Platina, you've been sold into slavery, let's run! Platina: Oh shit we wandered into the field of poison flowers and we're both dying horribly. Lucian: Sucks to be us. ¶ Time passes ¶ Arngrim: I'm so..."
-> "Final Fantasy X in a Nutshell" -> random insanity11:05:03 pm, wed, jun 18th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Take seriously at your own peril. ¶ Tidus: Hi I'm the hero, I'm also a star player in this really boring sport! ¶ Godzilla Sin shows up and starts wreaking havoc on Tokyo Zanarkand ¶ Tidus: What a shocking and unexpected turn of events! Auron: Here have a sword, let's kill a few guys ¶ They do just that, eventually Auron gets bored of it and tosses Tidus into the ocean ¶..."
-> "Final Fantasy VIII in a nutshell" -> random insanity10:54:09 pm, wed, jun 18th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Not to be taken seriously. OR IS IT? ¶ Squall: Hi, I'm the protagonist, even though I'm a completely unlikable asshole who hates everyone. Also my weapon of choice is probably the stupidest thing ever put into a video game Seifer: I'm an asshole too, let's fight for no reason! ¶ They do so and end up with scars. A few pointless cinemas play to the tune of elevator music and they get..."
-> "Youtube Gangbang 6/16/08 (Welcome Back Edition)" -> random insanity4:25:09 pm, mon, jun 16th, 2008 pdt
"VIDEO RELAY ACTIVATED... ¶ DEFAULT VIDEO LOADED: ¶ VIKING ROBOT HAS RETURNED FROM CUCAMUNDA VACATION. VIKING ROBOT HAS BROUGHT SOUVENIERS."
-> "Alien Hominid HD (XBox Live Arcade)" -> reviews2:32:44 pm, mon, jun 16th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"A game that a lot of people know about but few seem to have actually played, Alien Hominid is pretty much a Metal Slug clone with a few new abilities for your character - namely an aerial dodge, the ability to burrow under the ground to avoid attacks (and kill enemies) and, perhaps most amusing, the ability to jump on an enemy's shoulders and bite their head off (which causes all other soldiers in..."
-> "Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD (XBox Live Arcade)" -> reviews2:32:31 pm, mon, jun 16th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Recognized as the game many bought Capcom Puzzle World for (only to be disappointed when they realized that Sony apparently has no qualms against selling completely non-functional software) SPF2HD is a fortunately crash-free version of a solid competitive puzzle game. The game is based around matching up groups of blocks to form large gems and then destroying them with a "crash gem" to flood your..."
-> "VC Quick Hit: Cocoto Fishing Master" -> random insanity2:28:15 pm, mon, jun 16th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Agh jesus, I wake up not even knowing its monday to find that yes indeed, it is monday, and yes indeed, theres new shit on the wii shop to blow my money on. ¶ So I decided upon Cocoto Fishing Master for 700 wii points, or $7.44 in real cash after tax. It's good to know exactly how much money you've just flushed down your leaky, piss-stained toilet when you buy a crapper like this one. The bas..."
-> "Sonic: The Mobius Chronicles "Eps 1" Page 1" -> heckles9:16:28 pm, sat, jun 14th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"We've been idle on the heckling front for a very long time, so we've fallen back on our contingency: more dementia from the mind of the world's greatest lunatic, David Gonterman. Like most of his early works, it's almost impossible to find in a non-MSTed format, but Commuterbarnacle managed to recover a relatively unscathed (albeit incomplete) version, so thanks to them. ¶ Oh, and there's a..."
-> "The Best and Worst of Mega Man" -> reviews10:35:15 am, sat, jun 14th, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Bringing you the best and worst of Mega Man, with a Top 10 and a Top 5 respectively. ¶ The best! ¶ Wily Wars isn't in the top ten, but it must get an honorable mention for its Wily Tower if nothing else. I mean hell, a bonus game where you can pick any assortment of weapons and items you like from the first three Mega Man games and use them to tackle a whole new bonus game? AWE-SOME. &..."
-> "YouTube Gangbang 06/01/08 (CONSTIPATION EDITION)" -> video10:09:22 pm, tue, jun 3rd, 2008 pdt
"VIDEO RELAY ACTIVATED... ¶ DEFAULT VIDEO LOADED: ¶ BUFFER OVERFLOW WARNING. DUMP INITIATING..."
-> "Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels (the REAL Super Mario Bros. 2) (NES)" -> reviews8:26:22 pm, mon, jun 2nd, 2008 pdt <- update!
"Strong winds, poison mushrooms, flying Bloopers, Pirahna Plants that go in and out of pipes regardless of whether you're nearby, and perhaps most annoying of all, warp zones that take you back to previous levels instead of taking you forward. Just a few of the things that make this game the toughest Mario title ever. If you're looking for a serious ass-kicking in the guise of a classic video gam..."
lard pirates dawt com copyright © 2002-2008 lardpirates.com and vinic j. beverage & chainsaw dudley mckraken, also known as shawn baker & brad cruz: all rights reserved
all content copyright their respective authors/artists.
no portion of any content residing on lardpirates.com may be reprinted in any form without prior written consent -- this is serious business, the internet.
best viewed at a resolution at least 900 pixels wide, in any browser other than internet explorer for the love of god. try firefox! opera, even!
this website is much more badass with javascript enabled. if you cannot use javascript, then you need to hop in the delorian and get the hell out of 1995.
hosting provided by dreamhost. they are good people. i know, mysql is a bit slow, but whatever this ain't youtubespacebook, so get over it.
if you wish to bitch and moan at us, do so from our contact page.
all content copyright their respective authors/artists.
no portion of any content residing on lardpirates.com may be reprinted in any form without prior written consent -- this is serious business, the internet.
best viewed at a resolution at least 900 pixels wide, in any browser other than internet explorer for the love of god. try firefox! opera, even!
this website is much more badass with javascript enabled. if you cannot use javascript, then you need to hop in the delorian and get the hell out of 1995.
hosting provided by dreamhost. they are good people. i know, mysql is a bit slow, but whatever this ain't youtubespacebook, so get over it.
if you wish to bitch and moan at us, do so from our contact page.
a cherry
downpour
downpour