From: Matt Doty (ohnoninja@live.com)
Subject: Original MSTron crew representing here

Good job on continuing where we left off (after our coder got married to a whale and turned into a huge sobbing crybaby (and got arrested for transporting weapons)). Good to see the spirit of multiple people contributing bullshit mockery continuing, even though we basically ripped off the idea from the ancient website that used to answer submitted questions ages ago (God damn I cannot even remember the name, but it started with MS too). Also I hope nobody contributed to the MSTron paypal that was on the main page, we never saw a cent of it, it was added by the host and the coder pretty much made off with all of it.

In case you're curious, I was the guy who mostly posted as Vash the Stampede. And if you're curious about anything regarding it, I can answer as best my memory serves, though I am fairly slow at replying to e-mails (I still recall who played what character, generally. They weren't linked to any accounts, anyone could post as anyone, but we all had our personal favorites). I don't have a backup of the MSTron, never thought Warskunk would somehow destroy the coding as badly as he did (He's not the coder, Seg was, I'm sure he had no idea how it worked or how to fix it). And the images have been broken forever because Seg just leeched images from webcomics because he was worthless. (Hengeyokai went dead only like a couple of months after we MS'd it, replaced by a few panels of sketches and then nothing at all, for instance. I have no idea how many people actually got to see the original naked dog-boys.)

---

My reply:

Good to hear from one of the original MSTroners; we were all big fans of the site ever since I stumbled upon it ages ago. Just glad I ripped a copy of it before the code got wrecked and made the site inaccessible. (I'm currently hosting it on my own webspace at http://killass.lardpirates.com/mstron/default.html)

I think it was Rattar who came up with the idea to continue the MSTings; I know he was the one who found and posted the rest of Planeswalker and the PKF comic. I found almost everything else, including that godawful One Piece fanfic we spent a few months on (they should just be glad I didn't follow through on my threat to replace it with a horrible Disgaea fanfic, heh.)

Do you remember who did the Mooninites and the banter between Edge and Batsu? Those were always my favorites.

Spoony Spoonicus
http://killass.lardpirates.com/

---

Edge and Batsu were entirely a contribution by two people I know, Thor and 'Vu. Thor I still hang out with and 'Vu left the group years and years ago. I can never tell which one was which because they alternated so often and wrote so similarly. (And there was no way any of us could tell who posted as who, if you got the code I'm sure you can see how much of a mess it was on the contributors side.) If you want me to pass along a message to him, I sure can (I can see he's chatting about what a terrible director M. Night Shyamalan is in another window, guess which movie we've all been watching.) The banter between seperate characters is kind of funny, only a quarter of a time was it one person setting up a joke, the other seventy-five percent of the time it was two of us just pinging off one-another.

The Mooninites were done by Rain mostly, he's our local druggie, which is hilarious because he's also one of the most uptight college guys you ever met. He's the kind of guy that will show up in an ascot and a sweater, but then can later be seen smoking pot and singing along to rap with a bunch of urban dudes. No one else could play the Mooninites besides him.. much like how Garrett could only be played by our resident old, jaded gamer. It's possible Itachi also did some Mooninites, but I'm not sure. (He did Black Mage, mostly)

I gotta catch up on the new ones, but I saw you had hosted an old version of the site and I was looking through it before getting distracted (it reminded me to look through some of my old writings), so I admit I haven't read through all the ones you guys have been doing. I did start into one of the Gonterman ones you guys had going (I believe it was NiGHTS: The Third Dreamer, namely because my first reaction was 'How did we miss THIS?!', but that may be because we had lost our resident Gonterman expert, Vulpes, pretty early)

Thor and 'Vu also contributed to H4x0r Economist(http://www.rdwarf.com/users/kioh/), which was a comic started by another person in our group (and the guy who played Alan Greenspan in the MSTron). Needless to say, if you want some really dated early 2k humor, there's the place to go.

---

I was pretty amazed myself when I stumbled upon NiGHTS. I'd never seen it before or even heard mention of it on any of the Gonterman sites out there; I guess he either took it down pretty fast or it just got overshadowed by his more infamous works (or both). If memory serves, I found it on a small archive site on Tripod or a similar free provider, nestled amongst links of all the stuff everybody knows about (Blood and Metal, American Kitsune, etc). I could never locate that site again after the fact, so I made a point to get NiGHTS posted when we started doing our own MST project. Strange to think that we may very well have saved a Gonterman work from being lost forever.



Giving H4x0r Economist a read as we speak. Good to entertain that bit of immature humor in us all once in a while.



Let the other guys know the Lardpirates all got a kick out of their work!

Spoony Spoonicus http://killass.lardpirates.com/

---

I'd say you were doing the Lord's work, but I'm not a liar. You're preserving the remains of zombie Hitler. I mean, you've made him into target practice and are giving away paintguns, but still, you've brought back zombie Hitler.

H4x0r Economist is now forever trapped in the era when Jeff K. was considered funny and Geocities was a reliable host. A friend of mine nearly killed me because I got them typing like Jeff K. because I did it every time I wanted to make fun of someone. Ah, the days when l33t sp34k existed outside of Megatokyo. (Why it still exists in Megatokyo is beyond me. Why Megatokyo still exists is beyond me, as well.)

I'm reading up on the NiGHTS one, haha, jeeze.. some things never change. Been a while since I stared at a Gonterman panel trying to decide if the main character is molesting a stop light robot or not. How can someone do something for so long and yet their artwork does not change at all? It's like Jack (by David Hopkins), which has been stuck in this art void for ten years. And story void because it's always been retarded and always will be, and yet, in some twist that even Loki would not own up to, is extremely popular (Or at least was when I last checked a couple of years ago).

So far you've gotten support from all of us. And if you want a hang-out to talk about games or anything, and know how MUSHes, MUDs or MUCKs work, I can get you an account on our chatroom. We've had it running for the past 8 years, so it'll probably be around for a while, and you don't seem like the 4chan meme spewing robots we've purposely avoided. (Which is ironic since Jeff K. was totally the meme of our generation)

 

 

From: Mike Braun (mike@onlinepuntobanco.com)
Subject: Interesting proposal for your site (and mine)

> Hi,

> My name is Mike and I am the operator of several gaming and gambling sites.
> Since your site is related to the state of Nevada, I think it may be of interest to my users.

> Do you think it would be possible to provide your site visitors with a referral to one of my sites?
> I'd appreciate if you could provide a textual link and would be willing to provide one in exchange if needed.

> Please contact me at your earliest convenience to discuss my proposal.

> Regards,
> Mike Braun

My site's related to the state of Nevada? Well, that's odd, since I'm located in Colorado, I've never visited Nevada, and a quick search of my site for the word "Nevada" turns up exactly 1 result - a failed insult on behalf of an idiot we decided to torment on IRC some seven years past.

You go on to say that my site may be "relevant to your users". I doubt that, considering it has a design motif that looks like it came straight out of 1996, gets about eight visitors a month, and mostly consists of me yelling about bad video games. I don't even have any skill programming in Flash or Java, so anyone who comes to my web site looking to actually play games or earn any money, virtual or real, from a rigged Video Poker applet is going to be sorely disappointed.

Next, you ask if I can provide a link back to your sites. Even if I wanted to, I noticed that you didn't include a single URL to any of your sites in your e-mail, that I might visit them and see if they're worthy of my prestigious endorsement. I only managed to find one by punching your e-mail domain into my web browser, and was greeted by this quote:

"Playing baccarat online has become a huge recreational activity for millions of people all over the world."

Which leads me to ask: if you have millions of clients, why exactly do you need my help to promote your site?

And no, I'm not going to e-mail you back so you can whitelist my address and send me more offers of free money, porn and Viagara. Douchebag.

 

 

The following was intended to be an e-mail sent out to the staff of the company I work for. Because my supervisor hates senses of humor, and apparently cleanliness, I was forced to post this on our internal forum, that no one checks. Looks like we're destined to be shitty.

===

Hey guys! Just letting you all know about a fun new game you all might enjoy. Actually, it's a pretty old game. I've been playing it for a while now, some of you dudes have as well, but a lot of you may enjoy getting into it, too.

It's called Cleaning Up After Yourself. The rules are simple:
1. Make a mess.
2. Clean it up.

No grinding! No surprise PVP attacks while you're in the middle of skinning a few large raptors! No repetitive raiding until you finally get your Soaring Beagle Headress to complete your tier-3 set! Just good, clean fun! It's a blast! Here are some examples of some winners and losers, so you can get the general idea of how it plays out:

The guy who flushed the toilet before I went in after him: Excellent! You win!

The guy who left plastic wrapping on the counter for little-to-know reason whatsoever: Top notch! You lose!

The guy who dropped a coke he got out of the vending machine after he saw a 5-chain in Puzzle Fighter and it made him giddy, then whiped it up while he was waiting for his turn: Nice job! You win!

The guy who left a 3-inch diameter cheese ring in one of the microwaves that's now caked on, adding a Burrito Doritos flavor to my pizza: Congratulations! You lost!

Cleaning Up After Yourself (or as we in the know call it, Being a Decent Human Being) is amazingly competitive, for all of you PVP-enthusiasts. Once I witnessed a an epic battle between two dudes on the Kitchen Fridge map, where each, armed with only their hands, both were throwing out their expired random food. It was amazing to behold, and inspiring.

Spread the word on this mostly underground ARG. Challenge eachother, and yourself. Clean the clock of the competition.

 

 

NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PERSON ENTERED

To see if we've picked up any viewers with our ad campaign ive decided to start a contest open mostly to readers, but Lardpirates can get a shot in if no readers bite. The contest is to draw me a spectacular Fantasy Battle Scene. Blood and gore is not required but is encouraged, as well as massive beards, norse gods looking down from heaven, chicks in chainmail bikinis, and anachronisms such as a dwarven motorcycle gang.

The prize:

one copy of the game Heretic, on steam. It's an old old dos game I used to play at my dad's workshop way back in small times. You're some elven dude (i think) whose entire city was murdered by demons, so you take it upon yourself to run around shooting them all into beefy piles of mulch with awesome shit like lightning gauntlets and exploding crossbows. Its a classic old-school FPS and I love it. Works perfectly on all versions of windows as far as I know.

Here's a small gameplay video


The Rules:

-Open primarily to non-registered users, registered lardpirates may enter but will only be valid if nobody else submits entries that arent stickelves shooting arrows at dots in the distance, representing ogres.

-Contest will run for a while longer than it originally did, ending at midnight, april 2nd, 2008. Late submissions will have to have a damn good excuse.

-Sometime between midnight and 3 AM, I will send the lucky winner an old-ass DOS game.

-An exceptionally brilliant peice of work may earn you a lardpirates account. I'm not making promises im just saying it might happen if your artwork and subject matter strike true to the lardpirates way of doing things.

Sign me up, Chief!

Emaill a link to your entry (hosted on either your own webspace or on something like photobucket) and your SteamID to Rattar@Lardpirates.com. The subject title should say something about fantasy battle scene, so I'll be able to see it. Keep in mind that your submission WILL be displayed on our site, and full credit will be given to you. Please leave a name you wish to be known by, otherwise you'll be known by your SteamID. If you fucked that up too, then it will be your email address, hacked apart so spambots wont scoop it up. or maybe ill leave it the way it is, just to be a fucker.

Incase you missed it, its Rattar@lardpirates.com. Include your name and SteamID. I won't accept attatchments.

 

 

Yes, you read that right, ladies and gentlemen.I have found one of the mysterious wonders of the world.Much like the legendary Bigfoot or the Japanese Tsuchinoko, these creatures were believed hoaxes, their believers being ridiculed by the masses.But I stand before you today with proof of the elusive Trespasser fan's existence!

From: brian_cornes@yahoo.co.uk
Subject :           dont suppose you still have trespasser do you

just read that you bought trespasser and hated it.
fine and dandy, many did but i really liked it. i no longer have the game and am lookinh to replace it.
any chance of a copy of it or summat?

Unfortunately sir, this isn't so much an issue of me no longer owning a copy as me never owning one in the first place. I downloaded the demo and played it for ten minutes before consigning it to the Recycle Bin.That hard drive was later zeroed out and sold for a total of sixty dollars, making Trespasser sort of a blessing in disguise - not only did I not spend money on the game, I indirectly gained money from it!

Nonetheless, good luck in your search in obtaining one of the 542 copies of the game that escaped store dumpsters*.

-Sir Stanley of Tripwire

*The actual figure may be off somewhat, but I can't find anyone who cares to verify this information.

 

 

Sender: skil@dwconst.co.kr
Subject: ok cunt
Message: blank
Attachment: Some zip file I deleted immediately.


Wow, so someone thinks I'm a cunt.You may recognize the extension as being from Korea, which is currently famous for the fact that it's going to be a sheet of glass in a few years thanks to our benevolent president and the thumb he currently has planted on the "fire missile" button while the other investigates his right nostril.

Investigation of the URL indicates it to be owned by Daewoo. Not sure what I did to piss off a random Korean assembly line worker, but nonetheless, learn more than two English words before you try insulting me and putting a virus in my machine, dipshit.

 

 

THE THING!!


Date: 4/6/2005 21:56:40 -0400
From: mmoser@uwindsor.ca
To: svbman@lardpirates.com
Subject: THE THING!!

You are a googlewhack!Well at least your site is...The Thing. Great site by the way! Odd, but good. I will be checking it out more in the future. Here's the thing, in case you don't already know what a googlewhack is. I am not insulting you in any way, in fact you should be damn proud of your accomplishments on becoming a googlewhack. I myself would one day love to be named a googlewhack.

A googlewhack is only achieved when two random words are typed into the google search engine resulting in only one matching website. For me, it is a terrific time wasting device because I do have the lamest job in the world. How did I discover that you are indeed a googlewhack...i typed in the words..poopdeck and carma....lo and behold.....i found THE THING.

Well I will not take anymore of your time, thank you for becoming my first googlewhack. Cheers

MIKE MOSER
WINDSOR, ONTARIO
CANADA


Re: THE THING!!

I'll type something up and mail him when I'm not inanely tired.

--Vinic

 

 

OK, so I guess it's been a while.

I've never seen this thing called reader mail before, so I'm going to deduce something.I'm going to make the assumption that this section is for folk who recieve complaints or something from readers of the site and then you post them here to ridicule them.Well, I'll pretend I'm in such a position of power and post something rather similar to what I recieved at one time for my "Nigger train on the rails of slavery" swab.

YOU FUCKING RACIST BASTARD GO TO HELL

I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND KILL YOU I CAN I HAVE ACCESS TO THE FBI AND YOUR FUCKING DEAD WHITEY THE BLUE EYED DEVIL MOTEHRFUCER.ILL EAT YOUR FUCKING SKULL PUSSY BLAH BLAH BLAH

Re:YOU FUCKING RACIST BASTARD GO TO HELL

Thank you for your concern.It turns out that you are really just some other white guy that rides BMX and thought you were funny.You can barely speak english, which places you right on the same level as the niggertrain because well, they can't speak it either.Listen to them sometimes.It's funny.it's funny, because it turns out that I didn't know he was a he, and did some webcamming for him, and turned him gay.That was the funniest shit ever.Hahah, now he's pissed i have a girl.FUCK YOU BUDDY!AHAHHAHAA

 

 

The Profile

Here's his registration shit.

We viewed it. Then we sent what you see below.

The Lard Pirates Crew Mail


Date: 12/22/2004 23:15:55 -0500
From: "Vinic" - svbman@lardpirates.com
To: chibitonberry@hotmail.com
Subject: A Message from the Lard Pirates Crew

Greetings, Chibitonberry. My name is Shawn Baker; I'm the technical advisor and general mainland contact of Captain Flapjack and the Lard Pirates crew. I notified the men of your request to "join the ranks," as we techies call it, and I've gotten back a series of replies I'm forwarding to you. A response from you is encouraged, and appreciated!

I hope you're having a great holiday season!

Thanks,
Shawn Baker

CAPTAIN FLAPJACK:
A few questions, man. Some of them aren't even questions. Mostly just musings, or things I would like to yell at you over a quiet Italian restaurant while I eat a large amount of your bodily organs.1. Who the fuck is Cody?2. What the fuck is CityWok?3. OekakiBBS? Sorry, we don't have one of those. Since we are not Japanese or (for the most part) flamboyantly homosexual, we have what is called "The Poopdeck." It is not "oekaki." It is not a "BBS." It is badass and almost impossibly fucking awesome. You've proven to know none of this.4. Did you even browse the site? All of it? Or did you just look at 4 pictures on one section and assume your fanboy anime ass-inquiries are welcome here? They're not. They never will be.5. You remind me of everyone I hate.Fuck you, chutley.

HAIRY LARRY, FIRST MATE:
what the hell were you thinking? chibi? the only thing cute to a pirate is a knife wound, not DESU ^_^ EYES.

SALTY EDWARD:
i found two things wrong with your added user information:1. chibi.chibis are bad.2. tonberry.from this, i conclude that you like final fantasy x.this is also bad.please correct these grevious errors if you intend to join the crew.

JIMMY DEEPTHROAT:
Jesus Christ, man, come on.

SQUIDFOOT:
FUCK YOU, CHIBITCH. GET THE FUCK OFF OF OUR SHIP. AND TAKE YOUR WIDE-EYED FAGTOONS WITH YOU.

With all due "fuck you"s,--The Lard Pirates Crew

PS: Fuck you.

His Reply


Date: 12/22/2004 23:25:13 -0500
From: "Nikki Gee" - chibitonberry@hotmail.com
To: svbman@lardpirates.com
Subject: RE: A Message from the Lard Pirates Crew

Remind me to kill Cody later...BTW, this is the exact link I found you guys at. Sorry for the trouble. http://www.awesomo.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=6686&view=findpost&p=111920

Aftermath

I then went to that link from above, and saw his madcap faggot replies. Then I made my own, less retarded reply.

More when it happens. I am too lazy to make this spank better than it is.

 

 

Space is Dum!! :)


Date: 8/28/2004 11:42:22 +1000
From: "GraFiX / Daniel Graf" <djgrafix@hotmail.com>
To: <svbman@lardpirates.com>
Subject: Space is Dum!! :)

Hey there - My roomates and I back in 99 were huge fans of Space is Dum.

We'd only been able to see the first season - THANKYOU for making the others available!!!

Our other favourite classic flash cartoon from that era was Joe Paradise, have you seen it?
We've been trying to find an archive of it since forever, with no success. It disappeared.
Any ideas?

Once again, thanks HEAPS for making Space is Dum available. So many memories! :)

FiX.
========
G r a F i X
========
3D Modelling & Character Animation | Flash Design | Concept Art, Scripts & Creative Dir.
========
http://grafix.webnerd.com.au




Re: Space is Dum!! :)

Well, my friend, you are indeed very welcome. We're very glad that there's more people out there who remember good ol' classic Flash, and don't mind giving them some of our bandwidth for a few episodes.

I checked out this Joe Paradise, and quickly found out it was hosted by none other than the same fucktards tat hosted Space is Dum: wildbrain.com. Both Space is Dum and Joe Paradise seemed to have gone the way of so many classic cartoons over the years... straight into the shitter of deleted cache.

However, I did plug the creator's name, Roque Ballesteros,into Google, and came acroos this little website: Ghostbot. Check out his section; it's got three Joe Paradise episodes there. You were absolutely right, pretty sweet show.

I'll keep my eye out for more Joe Paradise eps around the web. You may see the series pop up in archival form here one of these days...

--Vinic