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 lard pirates dawt cawm  §  Incredibly Annoying Minor Enemies / by Spoony Spoonicus
 the waggoner  §  articles and general riff-raff exceeding your expectations of worthlessness.
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 ~Spoony Spoonicus on 02:51pm 06/09/11 (02:09am 08/11/10) in 1h30m19s  §  2141 eyeballs
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A tribute/gripefest about all those minor enemies that manage to be a bigger menace than the boss characters!

Medusa Heads (Castlevania) - The bane of far too many Castlevania players to count, and with good reason - they're an irritating, ever-present terror. Not only do they move in an awkward, difficult-to-hit pattern, but they always seem to show up in areas with treacherous platforming over instant-death pits. Not even the RPG-styled Castlevania games are free from their menace; there, touching them turns you to stone, leaving you waggling the D-pad back and forth for several seconds desperately trying to escape as you tumble into a spike pit or the enemies beat you senseless and drain half your health. At least Zelda II's variant (the flying horse heads) stayed dead after you killed them, but you get no such luxury here!

Pit-leapers (Mega Man) - Their form is different in every game they appear in, but their goal is the same - to cheap-shot you as you attempt to clear a pit and knock you right in, taking your last life and forcing you to redo the whole stage. Whether they're waiting just offscreen to ambush you or leaping out of the pit itself to tag you, forcing you to creep up to the edge before each leap (only to get nailed by a flying enemy in the area), they're a prevalent menace. Then, just when you think you've cleared the stage and put them behind you, they reappear in the fortress stages just to torment you some more!

Those damn birds (Ninja Gaiden) - Oh yes, anyone who's played Ninja Gaiden can attest to how much they hate these little bastards, constantly divebombing you from the most awkward angle possible to send you careening right down the nearest pit. You think you're about to make that last jump and clear the stage? Nope, there's an eagle. You've muscled your way through 6-2, taken that enemy off that tiny platform, and now you're about to make it to 6-3's continue point? Fuck you, there's another bird! You're at 6-3 and about to make that tiny jump? Think again! Here comes one from BELOW you just to knock you down that pit and piss you off. Oh yes, they will be the bane of your existence unless you have impeccable timing with one of your sub-weapons, and even then another one isn't far behind.

Cheating Bastards (Dragon Warrior II) - Their actual names elude me at the moment, so this will suffice for now. Anyway, these guys, unlike most RPG enemies, know that they outnumber you infinity-to-one, and exploit this fact unmercifully. By this, I mean that they use attacks that sacrifice their own lives in exchange for one of your party members, or they simply spam low-chance instant death spells until they run out of MP. Did I also mention that only one character in your party has a revive spell, and that they always seem to target him first? Or that you encounter these assholes in almost EVERY fight in the last dungeon? Or that you get one - and ONLY one - revival item at a time, and if you use it you have to backtrack through the entire previous dungeon to get another? Yeeeeeahhh. I almost didn't finish this game solely because of these assholes. Hell, it's a wonder I managed to stave off the Spoony Rage long enough to actually complete the game without shoving it into a woodchipper first.

Eggplant Wizard / Pluton Fly (Kid Icarus) - Kid Icarus is replete with annoying enemies, from the dancing Reapers that summon smaller Reapers to the flying squids that always swoop in to assail you while you're hopping across platforms the size of postage stamps. But by far the most notorious are these two. Pluton Fly is known for being invincible, difficult to avoid due to his awkward movement pattern, and for stealing valuable items from you (which you must then buy back at the Black Market for a much higher price than normal). Eggplant Wizard, on the other hand, isn't quite as mean, but is much more prevalent, turning you into an eggplant if one of his shots hit you. While in eggplant form, you can't fight (at all) until you find a Clinic and have a nurse remove the affliction. Of course, 50% of the time you won't have found the dungeon's clinic yet, which means you'll have to wander through the whole place, completely defenseless and at your enemies' mercy, until you do stumble across it. Oh yeah, it's going to piss you off more than a few times.

Archviles (Doom 2) - Because spider-mechs with plasma cannons, surprisingly durable skeletons with homing rockets and Pain Elementals flooding the entire level with annoying flying skull enemies just weren't enough, Id threw in these guys just to drive you up the wall even further. Not only do they have an annoying attack that has roughly unlimited range and does far too much damage (unless you get out of their line of sight really damn fast), but they can revive almost all of the minor monsters you've already killed, replenishing Hell's armies and rapidly draining your ammo reserves. So yeah, target these clowns first - making sure that they never see you for more than a few seconds at a time - or you're never going to win out and finish the level.

Bubbles (Zelda) - One of the oldest Zelda enemies, and one that many players quickly grew to loathe more than any other. Zelda II's variant was infamous for sapping your magic power, which would make dungeons much harder or even impossible to complete unless you burned a life or spent the next twenty minutes farming magic jars from the dungeon's few respawning enemies; killing them wasn't an option either, as they took about a thousand hits to kill even with a fully powered up sword. Legend of Zelda's versions weren't well-liked either; touching one would disable your sword for several seconds, forcing you to waste valuable bombs or arrows to fend off your enemies, or just run around and hope you don't get tagged by another Bubble as you're trying to avoid damage. But both of these were a drop in the bucket compared to the Second Quest variant - there you met Red Bubbles, who would disable your sword permanently until you touched a Blue Bubble, which would often require you to leave the area and backtrack through several enemy-infested rooms. There were few things in the NES era more aggravating than coming up on Ganon's chamber, getting tagged by a Red bubble, then having to backtrack to the last Blue Bubble room (near the beginning of the gauntlet) and redo the dungeon all over again just to have a shot at beating him.

Vampires and Mindflayers (Baldur's Gate 2) - I hate these guys. Hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE these guys. Vampires were pretty bad for being able to sap your levels (greatly reducing all of your stats), being immune to anything less than +2 weapons, and being very numerous even in the early chapters of the game, but they could be managed with some Negative Plane Protection and a lot of Lesser Restoration scrolls.

But there was a far bigger offender; the infamous Mindflayers. Not only can they paralyze and confuse your team with psychic attacks (which you basically have no defense against, aside from pure luck), they could then march right up and gobble your brain while you're completely defenseless, instantly killing their victims (and ending the game if your hero was unfortunate enough to be one of them). Not only that, they had a ridiculously high armor class and magic resistance, and would still instantly kill you even while you were desperately trying to hit them. And on top of all that, they're always attacking you in large groups, and if one's psychic attack didn't leave half your party paralyzed and defenseless, the next one's would. Or the next one's. Or the next one's. So on, and so on.

Oh, and the icing on the cake? There are VAMPIRIC Mindflayers too. Ohhh yeah. They're going to piss you off. A lot.
 rawks  §  rad comments, dogg.
 ~Spoony Spoonicus  §  at 04:01pm 07/29/11
The sheep from Catherine. Yeah, they're not too bad in the early stages, but that quickly changes later on, when there always seems to be at least three of them blocking you from getting where you need to go, or just sliding on ice blocks and pushing you right off the edge to another death. You can shove them around yourself either by knocking into them on a level plane or dropping onto them from above, or just explode them with a lightning book, which gets them out of the way. But it also makes you feel like a huge dick because you know that somebody in the real world just died because of you. One big Catch-22 brought to us by Atlus.
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a cherry