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 lard pirates dawt cawm  §  Five reasons I stopped playing Team Fortress 2 / by Spoony Spoonicus
 the waggoner  §  articles and general riff-raff exceeding your expectations of worthlessness.
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 ~Spoony Spoonicus on 11:50pm 03/19/11 (12:36pm 03/05/11) in 2h40m53s  §  6635 eyeballs
 anchors: f-bomb
5. Crates

They're from the devil. They eat up all my item drops and force me to pay money to unlock them just so I can get items they could have just dropped for free (hint, hint) or shitty hats that nobody wants. They can't be crafted and no one wants to trade for them either, so the only things they're good for are wasting space and getting deleted.

4. The game no longer favors skilled play.

Every game I join, without fail, has one or more of the following scenarios.

a) Pick Scout. Pick Shortstop. Throw milk. Jump around like a spastic retard while spamming bullets at anything that moves. Get kills with no effort since milk heals you for every hit you land, you reload instantly and you barely have to aim. Oh, and your gun fucking slows down any enemies you hit so they have no chance to escape AND it throws their aim off. Broken much, Valve?

b) If you have a ridiculously high ping, pick Demoman. Throw stickies fucking everywhere, detonate and get kills even though they ran out of range of your bomb blasts over 300 milliseconds ago. The game's code heavily favors laggers, you see.

c) Engineer with Wrangler + Engineer parked by Dispenser giving your wrangled Sentry unlimited health and ammo. Always have no less than three of these two-man teams guarding every single point.

d) A whole swarm of Mouse1 Pyros equipped with Backburners. Classy.

3. We only see the same three maps over and over again.

Gold Rush. 2Fort. Dustbowl. If you're not running one of these three maps all day, every day, then everyone leaves for another server. If a new map comes out, it gets played for about a week until everyone gets bored of it and runs back to one of the big three. Boring.

2. Useless Teams

90% of all teams I ever join on an average 24-player (12 to a team) server breaks down something like this.

a) 2 Scouts who do nothing but run into the same Sentry over and over and over again and whine about how much their team sucks while they ride the bottom of the scoreboard with zero points the entire game.

b) 1 Spam Scout who may get kills, but will never, ever help to push the cart or capture points. After every kill he runs all the way back to the spawn just so he doesn't have to last ten seconds without his precious Mad Milk.

c) 1 Medic who has nobody to heal since Spam Scout gets all the healing he needs from Mad Milk and the two Retard Scouts always call for Medic and then run away as fast as humanly possible - usually right back into the same sentry. In the off chance someone is actually nearby waiting to be healed, he's too busy Combat Medicing to notice.

d) 1 Engineer who stubbornly refuses to move his fucking gear up from the spawn point, ever (while on offense) or keeps building his gun over and over in the same place no matter how often it easily gets blown up before its even built (on defense). Bonus points if he whines constantly about the fact that people aren't helping to defend his shitty sentry placement.

e) 3 Snipers who can never fucking hit anything, either because they're terrible, have ridiculously high ping or they spam arrows at a lone enemy Sniper that's 100 yards away.

f) 2 shitty Spies who never get a single Backstab or successfully sap a single building the entire game.

g) 2 Soldiers who try to carry the whole team by getting kills and attacking fortified points, but can't since they're utterly useless for taking out sentries.

h) Me, usually stuck in the role of group C or G. Going Heavy or Demo never gets better results, since the Medic will always try to uber a Soldier or use the fucking Kritzkrieg ON OFFENSE, which is some of the most useless shit ever.

Needless to say, having to endure this garbage time and again while desperately trying to find a team interested in putting up a decent fight quickly becomes very boring.

1. Server Spoofing

Of course, that's assuming I can even FIND a server with actual people playing; nowadays, they're rarer than the holy fucking grail. Instead, every server I attempt to join is full of idiotic bots who can't hold a point or a server set up by jackholes who think spoofing the player count is somehow going to draw people into their COMPLETELY DESERTED SERVER. It does, but they leave again immediately once they figure out the count is fake, so what's the fucking point? Are you just trying to pull in ad views for your shitty webpage on the MOTD or something?

Even better is when these empty servers send me automated clan invites. Yeah, I really want to join your crappy clan that has two people that uninstalled Steam months ago, fuckwit.


Now that that's out of my system, I'm off to explore new waters in the realm of online gaming. Like... Marvel VS Capcom 3, or Starcraft II. That sounds good.
 rawks  §  rad comments, dogg.
 ~Azul Rojo  §  at 12:27am 03/11/11
I haven't played TF2 for a while now. Several people on my friends list have stopped playing because they hate the "MMORPG grind-fest" TF2 has become. Or, their favorite servers end up full of shitty hackers, rude fuckers, or players who refuse to listen or help. Add in the points you've made, and these people quickly got sick of TF2.

I haven't been in the mood to play TF2 for a while now. I still love the game; it's one of few FPS games that isn't full of brown realism and required DLC. Lately, though, it HAS been turning into an MMORPG full of cheap tactics. Most items that get released don't appeal to me for very long. They're fun to play with for a while, but I eventually go back to vanilla items (save for a few things). Some of the items are either outright terrible, or completely broken. The steak and chocolate bar? Never used them because the Sandvich and shotgun are superior. I tried the Force a' Nature a little while ago; you insta-kill with a point blank shot most of the time, despite the gun being "weaker" than the Scattergun.

Then there's the trade system. Every two weeks, I have at least one trade fuckwit add me to his buddy list. We have no mutual friends, but may be in some of the same groups. What do I see when I check their profiles? Comments praising the person for their quick and wonderful trades. If I do go play a game, then of course there's a trade fuckwit in every server, too. Then everyone can look forward to this person playing like shit or sitting in spawn while he spams "TRADING HAT1 FOR HAT2" over and over.

Guess a break will do me some good, too.
 ~Spoony Spoonicus  §  at 01:37pm 07/18/11
6. Now that it's free to play, there's absolutely nothing preventing people from signing up dozens of free Steam accounts and using aimbots. If you get VAC banned (which is barely a detriment because it always takes at least a week to kick in), no problem! Just swap over to one of your 28 alts and go right back to what you were doing. Way to open the idiot floodgates, Valve.
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a cherry