§  the haul  §  the poopdeck / the waggoner / the brig  §  chains / anchors  §  dude list / stats / contact  §  search  §  what the hell is all this?!  §  message!
 lard pirates dawt cawm  §  The Five Most Disappointing Games of 2011 / by Spoony Spoonicus
 
 
 the waggoner  §  articles and general riff-raff exceeding your expectations of worthlessness.
 
filters  §  browsing spanks
newer spank ..... 1647   §   1563 - 1562 - 1561 - 1560 - 1559 - 1558 - 1557 - 1556 - 1555 - 1554 - 1553   §   1 ..... older spank
 
 
 ~Spoony Spoonicus on 02:03pm 05/09/12 (09:40pm 11/25/11) in 32m40s  §  10971 eyeballs
(5)
after 1 bombings: 
 anchors: none.
 
Radiant Historia
----------------

Radiant Historia's concept is definitely creative - your main character is able to rewind time to previous decisions and take alternate paths to see alternate story arcs, with some arcs allowing him to gain information he wouldn't normally be aware of so he can make the correct choices on another path. However, the dull music and graphics, generic characters and uninspired gameplay certainly don't do it any favors. Not to mention that the core mechanic doesn't end up being much fun to actually play around with - much of the time, picking a "wrong" choice just plays a brief blurb of text about how you've doomed the world and now you have to rewind time again and pick the other. You'll also end up retreading the same areas and enemies many times before you actually get to see anything new, which gets boring very quickly.

The dull combat doesn't do it many favors, either. It attempts to do something fresh by having your enemies on a 3x3 grid and allowing you to maneuver them about it with your attacks, with enemies on rows closer to your party dealing more damage. There's really not a great deal of strategy to it, though - almost every fight boils down to just grouping as many enemies as possible onto a single tile, then unleasing a strong attack to wipe them all out at once.

I hate to say it about an Atlus title, because they've been on a roll lately with the excellent Shin Megami Tensei games, but Radiant Historia just leaves me high and dry.

Brink
-----

Generic, generic, generic. Oh, it promised a unique blend of gameplay features - the multiple character classes and team-based gameplay of Team Fortress, the free-running of Mirror's Edge, and a unique storyline set in a post-apocalyptic future. It delivers all of these things, but fails to take full advantage of any of them. The story is shallow and only seems like it was tacked on as an afterthought, the classes barely have any distinguishing features, the freerunning rarely factors into the gameplay, and objectives rarely amount to anything more than the same "defend the point" mission over and over again in every stage. Even better yet, the console versions are plagued with pop-in and numerous other graphical bugs. It's a game that was clearly just pushed out in a hurry to recoup development costs, and it shows. It's technically playable, but when there are so many better options for team-based shooters out there for cheaper (or even free), why would you want to?

Dragon Age 2
------------

Dragon Age 2 is a game that could have been so much more than its bland and unfulfilling predecessor, but it became so much less. Even more of the plot is stripped into the codex to make room for spraying gore every twenty seconds, all of which is crass and overblown to the point of making even Mortal Kombat's basketball-sized blood splatters look restrained by comparison. There's virtually no plot, the characters have no defining traits whatsoever, and the dungeon design somehow became even lazier, to the point where some are literally the same rooms repeated again and again with only slight changes. Not only an embarrassing rush-job, but a shining example of EA's attitude toward gamers on the whole. Bioware should be ashamed that they ever signed on with this sham of a company.

Star Fox 64 3D
--------------

Hey, it's one of the Nintendo 64's best games, now updated with improved visuals and an enhanced multiplayer mode that even supports the use of the 3DS camera and microphone. Sounds pretty good, right? Well, it would be, if not for one tiny little problem.

THERE IS NO ONLINE PLAY!

Yes, really. There is no online play. The 3DS was primed and ready for the Internet well before this game saw release, so why not let us play online with our friends? Or hell, even complete strangers? It's inexcusable for a gaffe this big to exist on one of your first big-name games for your expensive new handheld system, Nintendo. Especially when the single-player campaign offers nothing substantially new, even in the "rebalanced" game mode designed for the system's gyroscope (I saw no significant difference between the two modes). Pretty pointless having people rush out to buy four 3DSes and four copies of Star Fox 64 3D just to play a local match when we can just dust off our Wiis or Nintendo 64s and play the same thing for free.

This became the first 3DS game I sold back. There is nothing for me here. If you've already cleared out Star Fox 64 on the Nintendo 64 or the Virtual Console, there there is nothing here for you either.

Duke Nukem Forever
------------------

After thirteen years of reboots, developments, delays, and even the original development studio being SHUT DOWN due to a lack of funds (future developers take note - releasing fuck-all for well over a decade will sink you, regardless of how popular you were in your prime), I have to admit I wasn't expecting Duke Nukem Forever to be great. However, I was at least expecting it to be, you know, GOOD. Or competent, at the very least. Something that would remind everyone of what made Duke great to begin with.

We got nothing of the sort.

Instead, make way for all the worst tropes of both old AND new shooters - braindead enemy AI, tedious find-the-key gameplay, jerky and unnatural physics, lame platforming sections, two-weapon gameplay with regenerating health, boring and drawn out puzzles, extremely long load times, and humor that is neither funny nor at all reminiscent of Duke's trademark biting satire. A true disgrace.
 
 
 rawks  §  rad comments, dogg.
 ~Azul Rojo  §  at 10:20pm 11/25/11
 
Oh, Brink. Silly, silly Brink. People I know through TF2 were raving about how Brink was going to destroy TF2 and it was SO. MUCH. BETTER. than TF2. Well, they were all back to playing TF2 (and *ugh* CoD games) within a few weeks. I can't imagine why, because they seemed to be enjoying Brink in between their complaints of "Fucking grenade spam..." and "This fucking jittering shit is annoying!"

And why doesn't Star Fox 64 3D surprise me? Oh, yeah. Nintendo doesn't seem to want to join the online multiplayer stuff that PCs, PlayStations, and XBox 360s have been doing for years now. And when they do, the online play is pretty lacking or full of lag (see: SSBB). I have no idea why they have so many problems with this area.

Oh dear...Duke Nukem Forever. The first bit of the game was really the only good part. After that, it just went downhill. Puzzle solving? Fetch quests? Humor worse than Family Guy's? Outdated graphics? I have no idea what they were thinking. This was really sad to see, because all the older Duke Nukem games were pretty awesome. But, I guess this is how most games in a series are going these days: take out what made the older games great, and add in crap that doesn't belong.

There's another 2011 game that was a disappointment: Rift. This game was apparently going to blow all other MMORGPs out of the water because it was so awesome. A few of my buddies played it for a while. I heard a lot of "We have to go get Item A and take it to NPC." and "I need help killing 30 of these dudes, and then we have to kill Mega Boss." Sounded like every other MMORPG I've played, except Rift required a credit card for monthly fees. Surprise, surprise, after a few weeks, we were all back to playing Minecraft, League of Legends, and TF2. I think there were some free MMOs involved, too.
 
filters  §  browsing spanks
newer spank ..... 1647   §   1563 - 1562 - 1561 - 1560 - 1559 - 1558 - 1557 - 1556 - 1555 - 1554 - 1553   §   1 ..... older spank
 
 
a cherry
downpour