- Chuck the Plant
It has come to our attention that many unfortunate souls have stumbled upon this story while searching for One Piece fan fiction (or One Piece hentai). All we can say is that we apologize for assaulting your eyes with this abomination.

As for those who came here searching for this specific story, all we can ask is "what the fuck is wrong with you"?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Just a fair warning, this is easily the worst chapter yet. If you didn't think Luffy or Nami's characters could possibly have been butchered any further, you are sorely mistaken. If you thought the last three chapters were comparable to eating glass, this one is the equivalent of miraculously shitting out twice as much of it as you ate.

Oh yeah, we skipped two chapters. See the rawks on Chapter 3 to get caught up.


Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.


Chapter 6: Illusion


AN: Warning sexual content. LIME content.

- Pagan Japanese Food God
MAKE IT TASTY! SQUEEZE IT IN TO RUM! FOREIGN DRINKS ARE A RARE TREAT!

Nami opened her eyes and immediately shut them due to the bright light from the morning sun. Shielding her eyes she tried again and looked around at her surroundings. She was still in the middle of the road where Luffy had left her right before he had gone running off back to Melody...


Nami clenched her fists. ‘Melody. Melody! Melody!’ Nami punched the hard earth until her fists bled. ‘That bitch! What the hell has she done to my Nakama!

- Dudley
"I bet they wont think she's hip when I break her nose with a football!"

And what has she done to my Luffy. And that snake...what was it doing in my room unless...Melody tried to kill me!!!!!!

- Sturm
She says it like it's some big surprise we haven't all figured out already.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Cartoon law #1: The beautiful woman who all the men love is always evil.

- Shredder
Now you know why I keep this job despite barely qualifying as an incompetent boob!

I have to tell the others!’ Nami realized pushing herself off the ground and running in the direction of the golden pyramid.


Nami blinked wondering if she had really seen what she thought she had. For a split second it was almost like....Nami shook her head, no that was impossible. She quickly ran inside to find her nakama sitting around relaxing on silken pillows much in the same manner in which she had first found them on this strange island.

- Dudley
The room was thick with a smoky haze and the overpowering stench of reefer.


“Guys!” Nami said, she was slightly out of breath. “Where’s Melody?”

- Joseph Joestar
Did it fade away, like your love for me?

Luffy looked up with a mouthful of meat, ‘Did he ever stop eating?’ Nami wondered. “Mel? She said she had to tie up some loose ends.”


“Loose ends...” Nami shivered slightly, feeling as though someone had just walked over her grave. “Guys we have to get off of this island - now. Melody...she’s not normal and she tried to kill me! Last night I found a poisonous snake in my bed. And if it wasn’t for Luffy I would be dead.”


There was dead silence until.

- clobberpuppy
FAAAART!

- Sturm
That's lowbrow even for you.

Laughter...Nami couldn’t believe it but they were laughing at her.


Luffy was slapping the ground he was laughing so hard. “Mel! Trying to...hahahaha kill...hahahah you! Hahahaha. Mel wouldn’t hurt a fly!”


“He’s right. Mel is like a fallen angel. Her heart is so pure it would never know wrong.” Sanji beamed thinking about the blonde-haired beauty.

- Spoony Spoonicus
If you're at all familiar with the concept of fallen angels, this should make absolutely no sense.

“If you were really bitten by a snake where’s the bite.” Zoro questioned intelligently.

- Miles Edgeworth
He's intelligent because he didn't take something at face value.

I'm not sure what's worse, that it's what passes for "intelligent" in this story or that this single act makes Zoro smarter than every other character thus far.

“Well, it’s right here.” Nami lifted her skirt to show them the bite...


That was no longer there.


Nami stared. Where had it gone?! What the hell was going on.


“Not only does Melody like listening to my stories, but there’s no way she would try and kill one of our friends.” Ussop declared.


Nami just couldn’t believe this. There was something very very wrong with all of them. “Fine! Don’t believe me! I’ll find out what the hell is going on here and prove it to you!” Nami threw her arms into the air in agitation and stormed off in search of Melody.


She ran throughout the palace but couldn’t find hide nor hair of Melody until...


There. A splash of yellow, it could only be her golden locks. She had turned the corner. Nami stealthily continued to pursue her until she came to a dead end. She was just behind the two doors now in front of her. Nami opened the door just a crack and saw...

- Spoony Spoonicus
All these lead-off sentences make this read like a Sesame Street picture book.

Melody was standing in front of a antique armoire, ornately carved, of a deep, red, cherry wood, and there were two carved hands that were clasped together that would open when the armoire was opened. Melody walked forwards and the armoire opened of its own accord to reveal a mirror.


For a moment Nami gasped in horror as the mirror revealed the reflection of not the lovely, young girl known to them as Melody but of a decrepit, old hag. But soon the image shifted and swirled and Melody’s appearance became what they all knew it to be.


“My oldest and dearest friend, the sacrifices shall be prepared soon, very soon.” Melody cooed to the mirror as she stroked its silvery surface.

- clobberpuppy
"Hey, I just cleaned that!"

- Miles Edgeworth
Now where have I seen this before?

- Sturm
Every fairy tale ever invented, ever?

Do not idle away the time toying with your victims. Do you wish to have your true self revealed to them? My power can only sustain your youth for so much longer before I will need the sacrifices’ life force to sustain your eternal youth. Came a deep, hollow voice...from the mirror.


‘Eternal youth!’ Nami’s eyes widened in horror.


“I am aware of that however...there is this girl that seems to be unaffected by my flute’s song.”


Impossible.


“It is true that she sees what the others do but her mind remains her own.”


I see. Be rid of her as soon as possible.


“I know this.”

- Dudley
"Know it? More like do it! You get this mess cleaned up before the district manager gets here or we'll BOTH catch a shit storm!"

I will lend you some of my power even she should not be able to resist it.


“Thank you, my friend.” Melody smiled a wicked smile.


Nami backed away from the door her body trembling in fear. Now it all made sense...it was all an illusion...and her friends...their very minds were being controlled by Melody. Somehow she had managed to resist Melody’s song until now but now this mirror was going to grant Melody enough power to be rid of her for sure.


Nami bolted.


She ran and ran until her legs collapsed out from under her. She panted for breath as she tried to will herself to stand. She had to get away, far away. She was all alone. Her friends, her captain, they would not help her now. She was on her own. And this witch, this Siren, who had sided with some sort of evil possessed mirror, which craved human sacrifices for the promise and reward of eternal youth was after her!

- Spoony Spoonicus
There's also an overabundance of paragraphs explaining what we can easily infer from the context.

‘Just how the hell did I get into this mess!’ Sometimes she wondered if her life was cursed.


Nami then heard something behind her and turned unable to believe her eyes.


Melody was right behind her.


“Going somewhere?” Melody questioned in her sing-song voice. She then frowned at her. “You won’t get away from me this time!” Melody pulled out her golden flute from the inside of her flowing, white robes and lifted it to her pouty lips.


Nami covered her ears hoping against hope she wouldn’t fall victim to it’s song.


Melody then began to play - it was an awful, twisted song

- Commander Ladd
No, anything but Linkin Park!

and soon Nami found her head felt like it was splitting in two. She screamed and then knew no more.


ooo

- Duck Hunt Duck
FLY AWAY

- Duck Hunt Dog
Bubububububu!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Two chuts made solely for one throwaway joke, ladies and gentlemen.

- Embittered Old Bastard
You call that a joke?! I call it crap!

Nami opened her eyes and this time was surprised when the scent of the salty, sea air filed her senses. Where was she? She looked around and found herself on the deck of the Going Merry. Her eyes widened when she saw her fellow crewmates all going about their normal daily business aboard the ship as if everything was perfectly normal. They seemed unconcerned with the fact that she had been lying only seconds before unconscious above deck.


And there she was - Melody.


She even had the gall to have her arms draped around her Captain!


Nami clenched her fists and stood from the deck and walked over to where Luffy and Melody were.


“I don’t suppose you will believe me if I say you’re under some sort of spell that Melody has put you under and that she plans to turn you into some sort of sacrifice?” Nami questioned Luffy.


“Nope,” Luffy cheerfully replied grinning. And as Melody tightened her hold upon Luffy causing his grin to widen even more she snapped.


“Get your hands off of my Captain! You hussy!” Nami cried.

- Megido
Can we make a decision of whether to go with 16th or 20th century insults and stick with it, please?

Nami dove at Melody and they both went flying off the ship and into the water with a gigantic splash. The wind was slightly knocked out of Nami but she quickly began to push her way back to the surface. She could feel her body changing...her legs becoming more slender, melding together. Soon instead of legs below her waist was now a pearlescent pink-colored tail.


- Dudley
Her hair stood on end and glowed with a pulsating yellow, her V-watch shone with a magical shine, her clothes vanished and over the top appeared a skin-tight suit with a paisley pattern, her eyes were covered with a blue visor, black midnight wings sprouted from her back, her shoulders folded back to reveal missile launchers, her belt folded open to reveal mini navigational computers and a grappling hook gun.

And of course, her fingernails lengthened and sharpened as a feral grin spread across her face.

She broke through the water’s surface and searched for any sign of Melody. There she was - just a few meters away from her. Nami smiled, now this witch was in her territory and Nami didn’t plan on showing her any mercy.


With lightning speed she shot at Melody catching her unawares and quickly landed a harsh blow to Melody’s gut causing her to double over gasping for the breath that was just knocked out of her. But Nami wasn’t through with the witch yet and continued to land blow after blow on Melody, who was completely at the mermaid’s mercy in the sea. Soon Nami wrapped a single clawed hand around Melody’s neck and began to squeeze.

- Sturm
Strangling someone in an environment where they can't breathe seems rather redundant.

- The Guardian
You'd be better off just tearing her head off with your mermaid super-strength.

Melody coughed as she tried to speak, “Luffy...help me.”


Suddenly, out of nowhere two long arms wrapped themselves around Melody and Nami and quickly pulled them out of the water so that they went flying and landed on the deck with a thud.


“NAMI!!!” Luffy stalked towards where Nami had fallen against the deck floor. “How could you try and hurt Melody like that?! She’s one of us now. She’s our Nakama.”


Nami glared back, “I thought you were simpleminded but not an imbecile Luffy. I can’t believe she has you so easily wrapped around her little finger. Or is it that you don’t mind it?! The way she treats you...the attention. You like it don’t you?! You like her more than you like me! I can see if when she holds you! I hate you! Become a sacrifice for all I care! I...I thought you believed in me! Trusted me! But I guess I was wrong.” Nami turned away from him.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Did you totally forget about the whole "he's under a spell and being manipulated by an evil witch so there's really no point in being mad at HIM" part?

She could hear Luffy walk away to where Melody was to help her up.


Nami was glad it was a hot, sunny day because in a matter of moments she had her legs once more. Pushing herself up from the ground she ran into the navigator’s room to be alone. She landed on her bed and buried her face in her pillow and sighed. This was all just like a bad dream, or nightmare...maybe she should pinch herself awake or something.


That’s right. This was a dream or at least it was an illusion most likely of Melody’s creation. Melody, the Siren, who was now the musician that Luffy had always wanted. If Nami didn’t know the truth she almost would have felt jealous of her,

- Spoony Spoonicus
That whole speech a minute ago wasn't the slightest bit fueled by envy?

she who had managed to fit in with the crew so perfectly, who had managed to bring out this other side in Luffy. If she wasn’t there for ulterior motives she would have taken Nami’s place perfectly. There had to be a way to make the others open their eyes and see the truth.


There just had to be. Nami didn’t know if she could take much more of this.


ooo


Nami’s feet felt like lead as she walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. She could smell the food Sanji had cooked for dinner and her stomach grumbled. It hadn’t been long since she had last eaten and yet she felt like she hadn’t eaten for days. This was the only reason why she bothered coming out of her room at all.

- Sturm
Not even one attempt at knifing Melody in her sleep as revenge? What a trooper.

She walked into the kitchen and there it was again.


Melody was seated next to Luffy with her arms draped around his neck and she was leaning in and whispering something in Luffy’s ears that made him end up turning bright red.

- clobberpuppy
"Crazy world, huh? Well, don't let it get you down son, I-- Penis. Penis penis penis penis penis."

“What game are you playing at Melody!?” Nami screeched.


Melody calmly raised her eyes to look at the navigator. “Whatever to you mean, Nami-chan?”


“You know exactly what I mean. It’s not necessary for you to toy with his emotions like that is it?! When are you plan on killing him off anyways?!”


“Well, Luffy might have his uses after all...I think I plan on keeping him as a sort of pet. The others however are only good enough to sate the hunger of the mirror. And you, will make a nice dessert.”


“I won’t let you hurt my nakama!” Nami cried.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Do you care about them or not? Have they betrayed you or are they just under a spell? I don't care which, just make up your mind!

“And how do you plan to stop me? As you saw Luffy protects me now. Not you.” Melody smiled.


“Why you little-!!!”

- Spoony Spoonicus
You're stealing from the Simpsons now? For shame.

Nami lunged at Melody only to be stopped from behind by Sanji and Zoro.

“Let go of me! That woman plans to kill you and all you guys can do is sit around and enjoy being trapped in this illusion!!!!” Nami struggled in their grasp and nearly made it out of their arms and was almost about to attack Melody when Luffy stepped in front of her. He bore a look Nami had never seen him wear before and that was when he suddenly slapped her hard across the face.


Nami stumbled backwards and held a hand to her stinging cheek in utter shock.


Luffy had hit her....


All she knew was the pain in her cheek...and as she concentrated on it her surrounding seemed to get clearer...or did they get more foggy

- Miles Edgeworth
Can't make up your mind about anything, can you?

...before she knew it Nami was no longer trapped in the same illusion as her friends but for once saw things as they were.

- Megido
Perhaps this story will actually go somewhere now.

They weren’t on the Going Merry at all but still on the same desolate island. The island that was even more barren than she had thought....the pyramid...was gone, it had never existed,....and the food on their plates...Nami was shocked, it was nothing but dirt and rocks.

- clobberpuppy
This lends some evidence to my theory that veganism is evil.

The pain had woken her up from the dream...


She turned to face Melody and whipped out her bo.


“This ends now.” Nami declared.

- Megido
How I wish it were true. Unfortunately there's still more than half the chapter to go.

Melody pulled out her flute and smiled. “Just the two of us then.” She raised her flute to her lips and playing a soft, lilting tune caused Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, and Ussop to fall over asleep. “Now no one can get in our way.”


“That’s fine with me.” Nami said getting into a fighting stance.


“Now I will play you a deadly melody...” Melody smiled before raising her flute to her lips and beginning to play.


Nami wondered what the Siren Witch had in mind until suddenly she felt it...it was a feeling Nami often times got just before she sensed a storm or a cyclone out on the Grand Line. Goosebumpbs going down her back she leapt out of the way just in time. A rush of air went past her and Nami watched in shock as an invisible force cut through the earth leaving deep ruts there. If that attack had hit her head on...

- Dio Brando
Then she would be absolutely sure she was fighting Vanilla Ice.

But what was it exactly? Melody had just been playing on her flute...a strange song began to play...increasing in volume until that force sped by her. Sound...vibration. That had to be it. Melody was actually attacking her with pure sound wave vibrations.

- Megido
Because the last sentence didn't make this perfectly clear.



Again Nami felt the sensation that something was coming her way and rolled out of the way. She then leapt to her feet and decided to go on the offensive or else she’d just end up wearing herself out as Melody made her dodge her deadly attacks. Nami lunged towards Melody and swung her bo high over head to come down upon Melody with a powerful downwards slash. But then Melody’s song changed...Nami didn’t sense anything directed at her per say so continued with her attack. Her bo came down upon Melody but didn’t make contact with her. Something was blocking Nami’s bo...something was shielding Melody.


‘Damn!’ Nami screamed in her mind. ‘She shielded herself with a wall of sound!’


Nami leapt backwards and stood with her bo held out in front of her. ‘How the hell am I supposed to breech that kind of defense?’ Nami began to panic in her mind.


Nami looked over to her sleeping comrades and steeled herself to attack Melody again. She couldn’t just give up, not for their sakes. Nami attacked Melody head on with a series of overhead attacks and then swung her bo low to try and trip Melody but each time Melody simply shielded herself with sound.

- clobberpuppy
Yaaawwwwwwwwnn.

- Shredder
One stalemate after another. It's an even more boring Dragonball Z!

Melody then changed her song very suddenly and Nami felt that something was heading her way. She leapt backwards but this time it hadn’t been soon enough.

“AHHHHHHHH!” Nami dropped to her knees gripping her head in pain. Something had hit her ears and now she was feeling dizzy and disoriented. Nami felt something gushing from her ears and raised her hand to touch the sensitive skin there. Then as she looked down at her hand she saw...blood. “You bitch!” Nami yelled as she struggled to her feet and prepared to face Melody once more. But she was wobbling from side to side and couldn’t seem to find her center of balance.


Melody removed her flute from her lips and the surrounding area filled with Melody’s musical laughter.

- clobberpuppy
Fa la la la la, ha ha ha ha!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Yes, yes. We're thoroughly saturated with the character's theme by now.

“You’re attacks were futile from the very beginning. And now you have no chance at all at beating me. You’ll pay for interfering the other night...” Melody raised her flute to her mouth again and began to play...


Nami sensed something big was coming her way and quickly leapt out of the way...at least she tried to. Her center of balance was so off that she sort of tipped over to one side and fell over instead. The attack wasn’t a direct hit but hit Nami nonetheless.

- Spoony Spoonicus
This is one of the worst descriptors I've ever read.

Nami brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs in the fetal position as the sound wave vibrations hit her. She could feel the rush of air as it cut through her skin. She cried out in the pain from it as the welts being cut into her skin began to bleed.


Melody’s blue eyes stared back at Nami with black hatred as she slowly approached her fallen foe. “Why do you fight? Why do you even bother?” Melody questioned aloud. Nami’s eyes had drifted over to see her sleeping comrades...her eyes resting on Luffy’s form...who was even smiling in is sleep...he was always so carefree...Nami smiled. “It’s because of them isn’t it?” Melody frowned. “You would fight even though you have no chance of winning for their sakes? But the real question is would they do the same for you?”


Nami wondered about that herself but looking at her Captain she knew the answer. “Yes.” She said without a trace of doubt in her voice.


Melody clenched her fists in anger, one of her hands wrapping more tightly around her flute, so hard that her hand began to bleed.

- Avatar
I've heard of getting blood from a stone. Hell, I've even gotten blood from a tree. But getting blood from a flute?

- Spoony Spoonicus
A flute doesn't even have any sharp corners or edges on it, how do you bleed from simply gripping it?

“Why? I just don’t understand it! You fight for each other...you care about each other. Nakama...is that what that word really means? I’ll tell you about Nakama...they do nothing but betray you!” Melody said as a single tear fell from her eye and traveled down her fair cheek. “Do you think he’ll ever realize how you feel about him? And even if he does how can you be sure your feelings will be returned? What if...what if he falls in love with someone more beautiful!!! Because that’s all it boils down to in the end. Whoever is more beautiful is worthy of love and those that have no beauty will never find love. I realized it that day....”


“That day?...” Nami coughed up bile.

- Sturm
The hypocrisy of this moment goes completely over BOTH of their heads. Amazing.

ooo


Melody’s blue eyes sparkled with happiness as she ran through a field of yellow flowers. The sun was shining, white fluffy clouds passing by over head, and the birds singing their sweet love songs in the trees. It was spring. The time for rebirth...the perfect time for lovers. Melody was gathering a lovely bouquet of daises to give to her lover. She was sure it would please him since he loved all things beautiful. He had told her this many times.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Don't be fooled by the pleasant imagery, gentlemen. Much like Phantasy Star Online, the field of flowers is but a façade masking a scene of true horror.

For years they had lived happily together and the years had gone by.

- Megido
Redundancies within the same sentence. Simply amazing.

Now Melody was in her thirties but their love was still as strong as ever. Melody smiled as she thought of how she was acting...like a young teen thinking of a school crush. But she wasn’t a teenager anymore she was a woman now. Melody brought her hands up to her face tracing a small almost invisible wrinkle there. Her youth...was fading. She wondered if her lover noticed these fine lines and shivered. She wanted to stay beautiful, perfect for him always. She had gotten into the habit of wearing makeup hoping to conceal the fact that she was aging, that she wasn’t the same girl he had fallen so madly in love with.


One of Melody’s deepest fears was that he would stop loving her if she became ugly. But for now that was something still on the horizon. She still had many years more where her beauty would only ripen before it would begin to surely fade away. But she promised herself she would prolong this as much as possible brewing potions, elixirs, and lotions all with properties to keep her young. She had to find some interesting ingredients and in the acquiring of some of these she did a few things she would always regret but she would do anything if it meant keeping him.

- clobberpuppy
"One jar of stem cells, please!"

How she loved him. Sometimes she felt the love she had for him bubble up within her and it was so strong it hurt. It hurt to even be away from him for a few moments. She had to hurry back to him as soon as possible.


She knew they had planned to meet later tonight but she just couldn’t wait.

She knew he wouldn’t mind if she surprised him coming home early. And so finishing her bouquet she ran back towards their summer cottage.


It was unusually quiet when she entered their cottage, usually he was reading by the hearth but this time he wasn’t there. Suddenly she heard sounds coming from their bedroom. She quirked her head and wondered what he was doing. Perhaps he was taking a nap and had begun to have a nightmare from the heavy breathing she could hear. She felt a pang in her heart at the thought of him suffering and decided to go in straight away to wake him up from it.


She opened the door and gasped at what she saw.


Time slowed down around her as she watched a scene that she couldn’t comprehend. It couldn’t be real. Her eyes widened and she felt herself paralyzed.


Her lover was in their bed making love to her younger sister.

Soon tears welled up in her eyes. Of course. She should have seen it coming all along. The looks...the shared glances...her sister maturing to the ripe age of fifteen, her beauty coming to match the beauty she had once possessed. She had been replaced - by her own flesh and blood.

- Sturm
Alright, the act of infidelity is bad enough, but did you just have to make him a pedophile too?

He had chosen someone more beautiful, who had youth yet on their side.


Her heart was broken.


She had nothing left. She only lived for him...and as she continued to watch them unbeknownst to them the love she had for the both of them changed...darkened...and became hatred.


How she hated them, loathed them. How could they do this to her! Why?! Just because she was aging her he had to replace her?! How dare her sister betray her this way, stealing the man she loved away from her, after she had offered her food and she shelter of his own home. Is this how they repaid her...with this hurt.


They would pay for this! If he didn’t love her because she was no longer beautiful then they would both help her attain that which she had been cursed for not having - Eternal youth and beauty.


In her quest for potions and spells to keep young she had come across the mirror. There was a story behind it and she had bought it because of it. Apparently, there was a woman who had two daughters. She had been a witch and she had bewitched a man to fall in love with her. The man had a daughter who suffered at the hands of her new mother, a woman who looked much younger than she should. The story ended with the death of the stepmother and the strangeness was that when she died she had lost her beauty at the same time.

- Sturm
It's amazing how she never connected ANY of this to her own situation.

This mirror...had spoken to her one day and told her she could have that which she sought if she provided the proper sacrifices. It required human lives...


Of course Melody was against this but now...now as she looked at her lover and her sister....


She removed a dagger from her bosom and approached them.

- Avatar
Hasn't anyone in this story heard of a belt?

They would do quite nicely indeed.

ooo


Hot tears were running down Nami’s cheeks as she listened to Melody’s story and of her lover’s and sister’s betrayal. And of how she killed them to gain eternal youth and beauty.


“So you see, beauty is all I have left.” Melody said running a finger down her cheek so that she pulled on her lower eyelid eerily. “It’s the only constant in my life. No one will take it away from me! I will do whatever it takes to get what I want. And I’ve decided that I will finally have it...your Nakama...will become my Nakama. They will come to care for me, even love me. And do you know why? Because I am beautiful! Beauty will give me what I want! I will finally be loved for all eternity!!!”

- Avatar
Whatever happened to feeding them to the mirror?

- Miles Edgeworth
Great, now both of them are switching gears so fast that teeth are breaking off.

Melody broke out into psychotic laughter.

“How could you...kill those you loved?” Nami choked out.


Melody’s eyes flashed.

- clobberpuppy
Quick, dodge left! She's going for the knockout punch!

“They brought their deaths upon themselves! How dare you...”


“Even though they hurt you...it doesn’t mean they didn’t love you...”


“You lie!” Melody’s face was flushed now.


“How could you ever understand how I felt!!!! In fact, I’ll make you understand. The mirror has granted me much of its power and now even you will not be able to resist my next song!”

- Spoony Spoonicus
You do realize you could have avoided that entire fight and all the boring exposition by just skipping to this part, right?

ooo


Nami awoke with a splitting headache and looked around her. She was on the Going Merry once more and everything seemed normal. Nami pushed herself up wondering how she had gotten there. Strange...she couldn’t seem to remember. Wasn’t their something really important that she should be remembering...


She decided she would find her fellow crewmates. Zoro she found training, Sanji was in the kitchen cooking, Ussop was working on his latest invention,

- Dr. Vinic
ROBOT VIKING, PREPARE... THE IDEA STEALER!

- DR. VINICS ROBOT VIKING
*KKZK KKRK* NO ORIGINAL IDEAS FOUND WITHIN 15 MILE RADIUS.

- Dr. Vinic
Oh, okay.

and Luffy...that’s strange she couldn’t seem to find him.


Her heart pounded in her chest as she wondered where he could be. Could he have fallen overboard when no one was paying attention? Could he be in trouble?! Nami searched frantically around the ship until she tried the Cargo hold...it was dark but she could hear something.


“Luffy?” Nami called into the darkness. Her heart was still pounding. What could he possibly be doing down here in the dark...she would be alone with him in the dark...


She gulped and tried again. This time she was responded by a strange strangled sort of noise.


Luffy! He had to be in trouble...behind those crates.

- Avatar
Choked to death on a black pretzel. So very tragic.

Nami quickly ran around to see what was going on and then she saw them...


Luffy and her...It was their latest addition to the crew, her name was Melody and they had saved her from when her ship had been destroyed during a storm. She had become the ship’s musician much to Luffy’s delight. She had noticed how the two of them had been getting closer...they had a lot in common or so it seemed. They had become quick friends a little too fast for Nami’s taste and now...


Here she saw Luffy doing things she never thought she could imagine him doing. Using his strange rubberman abilities in various ways to sexually pleasure Melody...

- Spoony Spoonicus
Every One Piece fanfic boils down to this. It's just a matter of time.

Nami took a step back and had to cover her mouth to keep herself from screaming outloud.


But that wasn’t what really bothered her the most. Seeing the two of them together like this forced Nami to admit something to herself. Somewhere along the way she had fallen in love with him, her Captain, her Nakama. And now...she saw that he didn’t love her back. But found that he was now with another. She never had a chance competing against the beautiful Siren Melody. She was too perfect...and Nami...she was far from perfect...


Luffy probably loved Melody.


Luffy didn’t love her.


Why?


She wasn’t good enough for Luffy...not when compared with Melody. Melody with her sparkling blue eyes, milky white skin, long, golden cascading blonde hair, which looked like spun gold. Melody’s voice, her poise, her grace.


And Nami...she was a bit of a tomboy. She was rough around the edges, she spoke her mind, she was feisty, impolite, was a part-time thief.

- Spoony Spoonicus
And a full-time whore, Mary Sue and generally unlikable idiot.

And then their was also her past...


Nami’s greatest fear was that her Nakama would reject her if they found out about her dark past.


Her dark little secret.

- Spoony Spoonicus
I should add that Zoro already knows this, but considering that everyone but Luffy and Nami are permanently pushed into the background I guess he doesn't count.

Those skeletons she hid in the closet of her mind.


Suddenly she saw that Luffy’s eyes were on her as he continued his ministrations upon Melody. “Nami...do you like to watch? Nami are you wet? A whore is always wet...and that’s what you are.”


Nami couldn’t believe what she was hearing.


“Wha?” Nami muttered in shock.


“You whore. That’s right I know all about it. Why do you think I chose the pure, virginal Melody instead of you!

- Spoony Spoonicus
Erm, wasn't it just established that she had a lover?

You’re not good enough for me! You’re tarnished...you’re a used shoe. Why would I want someone as...dirty as you. You filthy little-”

- Avatar
So is he giving this entire speech while still fucking Melody, or what?

“Stop!!!” Nami cried covering her ears. “Stop it please!!! I can’t take it!”


Nami quickly rushed to her room and ran to her bathroom and shut the door. She went inside her shower and turned the water on to block out the sounds of her sobbing. She then sunk to her knees in the shower as the cold water cascaded onto her...


And then she saw it out of the corner of her eye.


A knife.


How had it gotten there?

- clobberpuppy
Author pulled it out of the "usual place".

Why was it on her bathroom sink?


The pain...the pain in Nami’s heart wouldn’t go away. She needed relief from this pain.


An escape.


The knife...it could liberate her. Free her.


Nami slowly stood up and walked towards the sink and held the knife in her hands.


She twisted her wrist to watch as she cut the vein there...she then went to her other wrist and did the same thing.


She watched until the knife dropped from her limp fingers...Nami wobbling on her week legs went back to the shower and leaning against the wall slid to sit there, the water still cascading on top of her...

- Goth Dudley
This is pathetic even by MY standards.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Just in case your One Piece didn't have enough emo in it.


ooo


Luffy’s eyes slowly opened and he took in his surrounding. He was on that same strange island where they had met that woman Melody. That Siren Witch...she had completely managed to manipulate and control his counterpart. This filled him with anger towards her. How dare she think she could control - him.


But thanks to her he was free again. When his counterpart had fallen asleep he had awaken in his place.


Luffy’s red eyes slowly scanned the area

- Alpha Communicator
POTENTIAL FANFIC ESCAPE ROUTE NOT FOUND.

- clobberpuppy
TERMINATE SARAH CONNOR. TERMINATE SARAH CONNOR.

and rested on his sleeping comrades - Zoro, Sanji, and Ussop. He then wondered where his woman was. He searched for the wench and sighed when he found her. There she was but...she was on her knees holding something shinny in her hands while Melody was hovering over her laughing in a maniac fashion.


Luffy stood and began to walk in their direction. He blinked when he realized what he was seeing.


With a distraught look on her face Nami was stabbing her wrists repeatedly with a knife...while Melody just stood by watching. ‘That bitch. What the hell has she done to my Nami!’


“Melody!” Luffy’s harsh voice rang through the air.


Melody stopped laughing and turned her eyes curiously towards Luffy. She gasped. He looked different. His eyes were red, his hands were clawed, his muscled bulged within his tight shirt. Was that really him? She wondered for a quick second before realizing that it was indeed him but he had changed...perhaps...the Devil’s Fruit?


She took a step back.


“What the hell have you done to her?!” Luffy continued to stalk over to Melody as she continued to step back. “Answer me dammit!”


Melody suddenly stood her ground. “I trapped her in an illusion if you must know. A powerful illusion that she will never be able to escape from. She will die as she kills herself trying to free herself from the misery which she is experiencing inside the nightmare world of my creation!”

- The Guardian
"On top of that, I just ruined my entire plan in one fell swoop by telling you all this. ...Wow, I didn't think this out very well, did I?"


“Bitch! Free. Her. Now.” There was no argument behind his words.


“Why should I?” Melody scoffed. “You’ll just kill me anyways. At least this way she’ll be coming with me.”


Luffy growled as he stood next to the trembling Nami and wrenched the dagger from her grasp. He then flung it VERY far away from him in the hopes that she could cease hurting herself. He was wrong...


With the dagger now out of her grasp Nami leaned over and began to bang her head into the parched earth.


“Holy shit! You bitch!

- Commander Ladd
So much cursing it'd make the Boondock Saints blush.

You will pay dearly if my Nami dies! If you won’t willingly free her I’ll torture you until you do!” Luffy said as he began to stretch his fingers. “Gomu Gomu no cat-o'-nine-tails!” Luffy cried as he let his lash fall upon Melody’s back. She cried out in pain her flute falling from her limp fingers. It was useless to fight him anyways, Melody knew, not when he was in this form. Luffy swung his fingers back and then forward so that the lash fell upon Melody’s back again. This time causing her to sink to her knees. Melody bit her lip in pain. Again. This time Luffy’s elongated fingers cut through the sheer material of Melody’s dress and left fresh welts there which began to bleed. Again.

- Spoony Spoonicus
At least the author's saving me the trouble of pointing out redundant sentences now.

“Free her dammit!” Luffy bellowed. “She’ll die at this rate! Tell me how to free her!”


“Kill me...” Melody gasped through the pain. “Kill me and she’ll be freed...they all will.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
So much for taking her down with you.

Luffy licked his lips and smiled. “So be it.”


“Wait!” Melody stopped Luffy for a second. “Why? Why do you want to save her this badly?”


Luffy’s expression turned serious for a moment before he responded. “Because I love her.”


Melody began to laugh. “I wonder what will happen since the one she really loves is not you but your other side...the untainted side. You...you’re just like the other men in her life which have hurt her.”

- Miles Edgeworth
Is she a mind-reader or something? How does she know all about Nami's past?

- Megido
Plot hole ahoy.

“You have lived long enough!” Luffy cried as he pulled back his arm and began to form a long rope. “Gomu Gomu no Noose.” Luffy shot his fingers forward, which had now formed a rope that formed a noose which quickly wrapped itself around Melody’s neck. He then flung her up into the air and watched as she hung there struggling for breath.

- Sturm
"Time is a factor here, so I'm going to kill you in the slowest way possible."

“Don’t think this is the last of us...Monkey D. Luffy. The Seven will not rest until you and your crew are all dead. That’s the least you can expect after having picked a fight with our comrade Captain Blood-Lust.”

- Sturm
The next bad fanfic staple, a clumsy reference to the Bible. Usually in the form of a villain with no genuine backstory or personality traits beyond his namesake.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Goodie goodie, another hack author trying to push their crappy writing skills as far as possible using darkness and "edgy" Biblical symbolism. Ever since NGE struck it big with depressed teenagers any mediocre writer can earn fame just by taking any crappy idea, tossing in the oblique reference to God/Jesus/Satan/the Deadly Sins and splashing everything with gore. Thanks a lot Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, you've made fiction unreadable. Or would if this story wasn't already unreadable for countless other reasons.

- Sturm
Erm, yes. I should also note that one cannot speak while being strangled.

“The Seven?” Luffy wondered aloud. “How the hell are they?

- clobberpuppy
Iann Robinson as Luffy?! This is even worse than the 4Kids dub!

Answer me wench!”


Melody’s eye became unfocused as she struggled to speak. “My love...sister...is this the pain you felt when I killed you? I’m sorry...” Melody breathed before her eyes closed.

- Sturm
Last-second repentance for that extra bit of sappy clichedom.

Luffy tossed Melody’s limp body aside and began to approach Nami...


ooo


Nami gasped as her eyes shot open and began darting around frantically. Was this real? Was this reality? She ached all over...especially her wrists...they were burning with pain...and her head...she felt awful. Her whole body was trembling...was she dying? Nami felt it hard to keep her eyes open...and soon she felt someone holding her wrists...she looked down and for a second didn’t register what she was seeing.


She looked to her side and saw Luffy. He had a serious expression on his face as he wrapped Nami’s wrists to stop them from bleeding. But this wasn’t her Luffy...it was him again.


Suddenly she was afraid. Was this another illusion. Would the evil Luffy suddenly kill her at any moment?


Luffy looked into her eyes and saw the fear she held for him there. “Don’t be afraid I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you, Nami.” Luffy reached out his hand to stroke her cheek.


Nami gasped at the contact. This had to be another illusion...Luffy stroking her cheek in an affectionate manner!


“Wh-who are you?” Nami whispered.


“It’s me Luffy.” He smiled at her while he continued to stroke her cheek and then he ran his thumb over to her lips. “They’re so soft...”


“Wha?” Nami questioned in shock...the way Luffy was acting...so unlike Luffy. It was frightening her but at the same time exciting her,

- clobberpuppy
"He could pop my head off like a bottlecap at any second! That makes me HOT!"

she had butterflies in her stomach as Luffy continued to touch her and then suddenly he leaned down and kissed her. Gently at first but then he deepened the kiss, being more forceful, possessive of her until the kiss almost hurt.


A flood of confused emotions filled Nami at his touch.


‘Luffy...Luffy is kissing me! It’s nice, but now it hurts. How can I have pleasure and pain at the same time?

- Spoony Spoonicus
It's a side effect of the concussion you sustained. I hope.

- Miles Edgeworth
I'd better not have to sit through thirteen fucking chapters of BDSM. There's enough horribly wrong with this story already.

This isn’t the real Luffy. Luffy would never hurt me...who is he really? I want Luffy...but this isn’t the real Luffy. I want...I want...’ Nami continued to kiss Luffy until her eyes drifted over and she saw Melody. Nami gasped and Luffy thought it was a moan and deepened his kiss plunging his wet tongue into her mouth.


Melody was dead.

- Chuck the Plant
I just want to step in here and inform everyone that the death of a "major villain" is less important to the author than the upcoming sex scene.

Melody, who in death had lost her youth and beauty and was now wrinkled, decrepit, and old.


Melody who had killed her own lover and sister...because of...fate.

- Avatar
Hey kids, if you're ever on the bench for two counts of second degree murder, go ahead and plead not guilty on grounds of "it was fate". See how well it holds up there!

Melody who didn’t deserve to die. Melody who should have been saved.

- Spoony Spoonicus
You know, if someone was trying to murder me and all of my friends, I don't think I'd feel too bad if one of them killed her first.

Luffy would have saved her, the real one.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Nah, he's probably just Gum Gum Bazooka her into the horizon.

- clobberpuppy
Then she'd land on a distant deserted island, join forces with a singing turtle to escape, and they'd work their way up from nothing to become the greatest musical act in the South Blue!

This wasn’t what she wanted. Not like this.


Nami pushed against Luffy’s chest to push him away from her but he only tightened his hold upon her. He wasn’t going to let her get away. He knew she wanted him...


Nami was flooded with fear again...was he going to force himself upon her? Would Luffy really do that? Maybe this one would....tears began to fill her eyes. The strength to push him away from her just wouldn’t come. She had already lost so much blood...she was completely at his mercy. What could she possibly do to get herself out of this situation.

- Mia Fey
Nami... don't... give up!

“Luffy...please don’t do this...” Nami whispered.


Luffy looked back at her with lust filled eyes. “I know you want this. Why deny yourself of it, Nami?”


Nami shook her head. “I want...the real Luffy. I’m sorry but you’re not the one I want.”


Luffy’s eyes turned hard. “Let’s see if you lie.” He put his hand up Nami’s skirt and then plunged a finger into her depths. She was wet. “You see you’re lying.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
Now he's a rapist too. Just wonderful.

“No! No I’m not!” Nami pleaded. If only the real Luffy were here. He could save her. Somehow she had to reach him. “Luffy! Luffy...help me!”


Luffy blinked. Then again. “Argh!” Luffy suddenly cried out. “No! I won’t let you regain control again!”


And suddenly...


“Nami?” Luffy was looking straight at her...at her trembling form...the tears in her eyes.


“Luffy is it really you this time?” Nami questioned breathlessly.


“Yea Nami it’s me...what-” Luffy suddenly stopped when he realized something...his hand was...somewhere...he looked down and saw his hand was under Nami’s skirt...he was touching Nami’s most private place. He gulped. He felt funny. He quickly pulled his hand out from under Nami’s skirt and looked back at her with a guilty expression on his face. He hadn’t wanted to take his hand away. Just why the hell had he been touching Nami in such an intimate manner? Why did she have tears in her eyes? What had he done?

- Spoony Spoonicus
Killed his own character and then pissed on it for good measure.

- clobberpuppy
You have to defile a character completely or they'll come back to life.

“Nami...did I do this to you?” Luffy asked concern written all over his face as he frowned. Luffy was beginning to hate himself.

Nami swallowed. “You didn’t hurt me Luffy...”


“But why was I...touching you without your consent?” Luffy asked beginning to feel sick.


“It’s ok Luffy...you can touch me if you want to...” Nami whispered.


Luffy’s eyes widened. He somehow didn’t like the way she had said that. It was like she was saying he could do whatever he wanted regardless of whether or not she wanted it and it was ok. He hated the way what she had just said sounded. Why would she say it was ok for him to make her cry like that? To touch her like that if she didn’t like it? Why would she think that way?!

- Sturm
Because she's a colossal pillar of masochistic sluttiness?

“What do you mean?!” Luffy suddenly cried out. “How can you say that? I...even if I...I could never...Nami you...” Luffy tried to get his words together failing miserably.


Nami stared back at him and realized she had been wrong to say what she did. Luffy...the real Luffy wasn’t like the others.

- Dio Brando
One minute he's a harmless retard and the next he's a mass-murdering rapist. No, he certainly isn't like the others.

She sighed. “I’m sorry Luffy.”


Luffy shook his head vigorously, “No I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m not really sure what I was doing but...I would never want to do something you don’t want Nami. Remember that.”


“Luffy....”


Luffy tried to smile but he found he was hurting...it hurt down there....he looked down and saw the bulge in his pants. He began to feel embarrassed and ashamed. He had woken up with this problem a few times but couldn’t understand it nor the conflicting emotions it caused and now...this pain was asking him for what...something...wrong. He felt wrong. He balled his hand in a fist and punched his member hoping it would go
down. Usually after several punches it would...and the pain would go away.

- Megido
Are you TRYING to make me vomit, author? Because you're certainly succeeding.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Considering the guy came up with Gear Second, you'd think it's safe to assume he knows enough about anatomy to know what an erection is.

But not in the world of fanfiction, no sir!

Nami’s eyes widened in shock when she saw what Luffy had just done.


Tears of frustration came to Luffy’s eyes as he looked back at Nami, ashamed, “I...it won’t go down...I don’t know why...”


Luffy was about to hit his member again when Nami stopped his hand. “Luffy you shouldn’t do that to yourself.” Nami swallowed. “It’s only natural for a guy your age to have that happen to him once in a while...to have urges...”


“Urges?” Luffy questioned but the pain distracted him. “It hurts Nami? Let me fix it. I have to make the pain go away.” He wanted to punch himself again but Nami wouldn’t let him.


“You don’t make the pain go away like that Luffy....” Nami informed him.

- clobberpuppy
Aim for the head. That way you can destroy the part of your brain that remembers this god-awful shit!

Luffy blinked. “Then how do I make it go away? Please Nami...help me.”

- Spoony Spoonicus
Oh, for fuck's sake.

- Avatar
Gentlemen, we've found the unholy grail. I present to you the WORST love scene ever written.

Nami looked back at Luffy wondering if he...no, he was completely asking this from her out of complete innocence. He didn’t know, he really didn’t know. He had a look of such helplessness on his face as he beseeched her. How could she resist that face?


“Luffy...there’s a better way to make the pain go away. Will you let me...help you? May I...touch you?” Nami questioned a slight blush creeping upon her cheeks. Would he really let her touch his...



Luffy looked a bit confused by her request but then nodded. He trusted Nami.


Nami then started to unzip Luffy’s shorts and slid them down. All that was left was his boxers and she could see his straining member through them. She thought it would be wrong to take them off so instead slid her hand inside his boxers.

- Shredder
You've already crossed every other line of decency. You may as well go for a perfect record.

Luffy gasped at the sensation of Nami’s hand going down his skin until she had grasped his member. “Nami...I’m afraid.” Luffy looked back at her, his eyes searching her own.


“Don’t be.” Nami smiled returning his stare. She then began to move her hand up and down slowly stroking his throbbing member.

- Megido
You're a slut. A horrible, disgusting slut.

- clobberpuppy
"I'm rapidly bleeding to death, there's a rotting corpse five feet away, and I probably have a concussion or two. But never mind that, it's time for handjobs!"

- Spoony Spoonicus
Maybe I'm just depraved here, but if I woke up next to a mangled corpse and my wrists were gushing blood, the last thing I'd think about is sex.

Luffy groaned as a myriad of new sensations filled his body. Feelings he had never ever felt before. Good feeling. Incredible feelings. It felt sooo good. How could something painful be turned into something so good. What magic was Nami casting on him to make his pain become pleasure.


He blushed....he suddenly became aware that she was touching his most private place...and that he was getting pleasure from her touch. Her hands were so soft...he was close enough to smell her scent. Mmmm oranges. He looked over at her and their eyes met. He realized this was something only a woman could do for a man. His other Nakama they couldn’t help him with this sort of problem

- Alan Smithee
That's a department for countless other unreadable fanfics.

...but a woman could.


Soon the pleasure began to build. Luffy couldn’t believe it. Something was building inside of him, more, and more. “Nami...please don’t stop...Nami!” Luffy cried as Nami began to pump his member harder and faster. “Oh Gods Nami!” Luffy cried out as he came into her hand. He collapsed backwards panting for breath. His eyes shining. Nami smiled happy that he was happy. “Nami...that felt so...wow Nami how did you know how to do that?”


Nami’s smile faded from her face. How did she know....of course she knew how...she had done so many times...for money.

- Commander Ladd
So apparently that 93 million or so she racked up wasn't due to robbing pirates at all? If that's the case, she must have fucked everyone in the East Blue fifty times over. Except Luffy, of course.

- Spoony Spoonicus
For those keeping score, Nami is now emo, a total slut, AND her skills as a pirate thief have been undermined.

Luffy suddenly saw Nami’s expression and felt guilty...had he made her do something she hadn’t really wanted to do?! “Nami...you did want to do that right? I didn’t force you to help me right?” He pleaded.

Nami’s eyes turned quickly to Luffy and she sighed. “Oh, Luffy. Why are you just so nice?” She cried as she flung her arms around him and buried her head in his chest.


Luffy’s arms instinctively wrapped around her tightly and he held her protectively. He never wanted to let her go. He wanted to be close...oh so close to her...closer. Luffy gulped wondering how he could get closer and had a funny feeling in his stomach as he thought about it.

To be continued...