This time, we're featuring a game you probably weren't tricked into playing on name recognition!

Platina: Life is wonderful even though my mother is a terrible bitch, la la la
Lucian: Hey Platina, you've been sold into slavery, let's run!
Platina: Oh shit, we've wandered into the field of poison flowers and we're both dying horribly.
Lucian: Sucks to be us.

Time passes

Arngrim: I'm so MACHO! Behold my enormous sword and armor that barely covers a third of me!
Jelanda: I attempt to avenge you insulting my father but only succeed in making a fool of myself
Arngrim: Heheheh, idiot.
Jelanda: And now I turn into Satan and kill a few people with completely inappropriate Matrix effects.

Arngrim: She was a whiny dolt, but she didn't deserve this. Grrr, generic necromancer, I'll kill you!
Generic Necromancer: I slay you with one wave of my hand.
Arngrim: Arg
Lenneth Valkyrie: And I slay you back, foul desecrator of the dead!
Generic Necromancer: Arg
Lenneth: Now come help me recruit souls and kill thousands of the same eight monsters, swordsman.
Arngrim: Lead the way, First Lady of Awful Voice Acting.
Jelanda: I'm here too. Also I'm a really powerful sorceress for some reason the plot will never bother to explain.

They travel around the planet slaying thousands of undead and stealing Odin's goodies, taking the occasional break to deck out some new Einherjar and send them off to fight the Ragnarok war. It's here that we begin to notice that the game balance really eats; some enemies literally take ZERO damage from anything you throw at them unless you have a very specific type of weapon equipped to counter them. For example, a dragon enemy won't take any damage from your standard sword, but equip a Dragon Slayer and each hit you dish out will do well over 10,000 damage. And you'd better damn well have it ready before the fight even starts, because the fucker will wipe you out in 1-2 turns if you don't. Oh, and hope your luck doesn't fall on the wrong side of a 50/50 chance of breakage, either, because then you'll have to drop a ton of money to buy another one.

Anyway, the game eventually gets bored of handing out quests for a while so Valkyrie and crew are stuck wandering around for the last fourteen hours of the period doing nothing

Lenneth: I can apparently buy items and heal my HP while flying around on the map, so is there any point to these towns?
Freya: No.
Lenneth: So being here is just a gigantic waste of time? What's the point of even having towns then?
Freya: It's a beginner's trap to make you waste time that you could spend killing things and leveling up. Except you can't, because the enemies don't respawn, the game only gives out two or three quests per chapter, and occasionally it also lets you access a stupidly difficult random dungeon where everything can kill you in one hit.
Lenneth: Lovely. Is there any point to NOT taking the good items even though they technically belong to Odin?
Freya: No, it's another beginner's trap since you gain back whatever ranking you lost at the end of the chapter if you sent a decent Einherjar or two.
Lenneth: Brilliant design there, Tri-Ace.

They piss around wasting time until the end of the chapter, then repeat the process a few more times before this scene finally comes up

Lezard: I have an enormous boner for Valkyrie so I'm making thousands of homonculi that look like her. It is also heavily implied that I am a pedophile.
Lenneth: Prepare to die, foul desecrator of the dead!
Lezard: Despite loving you I'm trying my damndest to kill you.

They lose to Lezard within two turns

Lenneth: Why the hell was this dungeon so hard, anyway? Everything before it was easy as cake.
Freya: Everything in this game is picked randomly; you just got an assortment of low-level dungeons so you had no chance to power up. Also since you lost to Lezard you just botched your only chance at seeing any real plot development in the game.
Lenneth: Now I can only get Shitty Ending B and Shittier Ending C?
Freya: Yep.
Lenneth: Fuck that. Hit reset.

They luck out the second time through and get a better pick of levels and thus stand half a chance in Lezard's tower.

Lucian: Hey, remember me?
Lenneth: No. Go to Valhalla and fight now.
Lucian: Okay, then here's this earring. I have a feeling you know where the other one is.
Lenneth: Yeah, I went and got it at the beginning of the game. What's it do?
Lucian: You're SUPPOSED to go and get it after I mention it! You can't get the good ending otherwise!
Lenneth: How the hell am I supposed to know that?!
Lucian: Beats me.
Lenneth: Moreover, why even make it available from square one if all it does is screw up the game?!
Lucian: Because Tri-Ace never thinks anything through.
Lenneth: *Exasperated sigh* Goddamnit. Hit reset again.
Arngrim: I'm really getting tired of that unskippable 30-minute opening cinema.
Lenneth: Suck it up.

Checking a guide, Lenneth restarts again, does the earring event right and jumps through a whole bunch of other stupid hoops that the game provides no hints or clues for whatsoever. Not to mention that it's really counter-intuitive that sending Einherjar - the game's defining mechanic - actually INCREASES the stat you're trying to decrease. Choosing not to send any einherijar isn't an option either, since if the war starts going badly Freya will just come down and kick your head in, dropping you directly into Shittier Ending C.

Lucian: You remember who I am now, right?
Lenneth: Yeah, I'm Platina and you're Lucian. I'd better remember that after going through all that nonsense.
Lucian: Okay, let's meet again once Ragnarok's over.
Lenneth: Sure.

So anyway, provided you didn't make any critical errors and got your Seal rating low enough, this scene plays:

Hrist: SURPRISE, you know too much, now I am taking over your body and erasing your memories!
Arngrim: To hell with that, I'm not sitting through that intro again.

They kill Hrist and manage to save Valkyrie's soul with the help of Lezard. Yes, LEZARD. The villain. We learn that Hrist, Lenneth and Silmeria are all beings within the same body, with only one being dominant at any given time, and that when their services are not needed they're reborn on earth as a human. What impact does this have on the rest of the plot, and why is it necessary that Lenneth be reborn as a Human? Hell if I know, and hell if any of the writers do either; it just sounded cool and was an easy way to work in a romance subplot so they went with it.

Meanwhile, Lucian meets Loki.

Loki: With this forbidden mirror you can see Lenneth wherever she is!
Lucian: Neat. Say, why are you helping me, anyway?
Loki: So I can stab you in the back under the pretext of killing a traitor and steal the Dragon's Orb for myself to become all-powerful.
Lucian: Oh. Well I guess it suits me right, trusting the fucking god of mischief and all.

Loki kills Lucian, murders Odin and destroys both Asgard and Midgard, rendering the entire Ragnarok plot and gameplay system irrelevant. Pretty asinine considering it's THE FOUNDATION AND CORE GAMEPLAY ELEMENT OF THE ENTIRE GAME.

Spoony: And no, I don't know why he needs Lucian to steal the Orb. Apparently he does, though, since this entire plot thread is never even acknowledged if you're on the path to Ending B; you just go fight some frost giants and that's it, end of game.

Lenneth: Wait a minute, if Odin had something that powerful the entire time, why didn't he just use it to end the war instantly instead of making me send him new recruits?
Arngrim: You're honestly still holding out hope for answers? This game has just been a collection of randomly-picked dungeons loosely connected by a plot that's half-assed in every respect. Hell, I've read second grade fan fiction that had fewer plot holes than this.
Lenneth: *Sigh* Fine then, fuck it. I'm built up to Level 35 and have the best shit I can possibly buy, let's fight Loki before he destroys the last 1% of the universe.
Bloodbath: Not so fast, you must fight through my goons first!

Lenneth and company decimate them all with one solid blow

Bloodbath: Hahaha, that was just a joke. Now FEEL MY FLAME!

Lenneth's entire party is left either dead or with less than 10% HP from a single blast, and attempting to heal and revive them is wasted effort since he'll just do it again in two turns. Simply wiping him out in one round with a powerful combo isn't an option either. Oh, and if you somehow manage to survive ten turns, he gets ALL OF HIS HEALTH BACK. Fucking ingenious.

Lenneth: What the fuck? Your minions were easy as hell, why can't I even DAMAGE you?!
Bloodbath: You mean you didn't get the ring that you need to find in some obscure castle and use forty minutes of tedious object stacking to reach and then equip it to transmute this jewel into another item and then equip THAT to transmute the original ring into a better ring to be able to transmute a very specific sword into the weapon I'm weak against?
Lenneth: ...How in the hell was I even supposed to KNOW that?
Bloodbath: HAH! You idiot! That's the only thing in the game capable of doing more than triple-digit damage to my 222,000 HP! You're fucked!
Lenneth: Damn it, now I have to go back and grind some more.
Arngrim: We can't. There's no going back once you come here.
Lenneth: You mean we're completely screwed?
Arngrim: Yep. Hit reset again and for the love of god PRAY we get a better level set this time so we don't die in two turns.
Lenneth: Forget it, I'm not going through all that crap again. Tri-Ace can either read up on plot logic and game balance or get out of the business.

Lenneth gives up in frustration and then the universe is destroyed. Who cares, play a real RPG.