Hello, Carlin.

Dear Carlin:

My name is Dudley, and I have a severe penis disorder called Jackassity Syndrom. My penis is about the size ofant legs, and that's when I have a boner. What sucks a lot is that when I fart, I blow a load. It sucks so bad.

Last time I jerked off I broke a nail, and it hurt. Because last time I was in the dark because I am poor and cannot afford anything. I hate my life omg omg wtf.

Last year, when I was having sex with a lion, my dad walked in and took a shit on me. I cried for days. I wish I wasn't so fucking lame and a fuckfuck.

Carlin, what should I do? I am shitting my pants here because I am a jackass fingerclit.

Thanks, Dudley Do-Write Me Back

IN REPLY

Dear Dudley:

I cannot help you because I am a horrible character created by a horrible asshole. I am used as a way for my creator to let our his feminine tensions in a none-fucking gay way. I also enjoy thrusts in the ass from small cocks. OMG YOU WOULD BE PERFECT.

But about your problem, fuck you. I am in love with Vinic, a man with a huge cock that can satisfy my feminine needs. I even have lesbian sex threesomes with him taking part. It is so cool, I wish I was dead.

I AM A HORRIBLE FUCK!

Love, Carlin - the deformed child only retard parents can fuck out.