---

Jagger woke up to find that his bedsheets had been pulled tight and nailed to the bed frame, pinning him down. What caused him to wake up the first place was a sasquatch's crushing grip on the top of his head.

"damnit damnit DAMNIT DAMNIT OKAY! WHAT!?" Jagger yelled.

"Where is our shipment?" A man in a business suit at the foot of his bed asked.

"How did you get in here?" Jagger replied.

"The innkeeper. Barch punched him."

"Innkeeps trade keys for punches." Barch said, tightening his grip on Jagger's skull.

"Where is Taint, and where is my shipment?" The man asked again.

"Who are you?" Jagger asked.

"Arms party. Where the hell are those crates?"</p>"With Taint. Maybe on his plane."

"Flip him." the man said. Barch nodded and flipped the bed over, smashing Jagger between the matress and the floor. He flipped the bed back upright again revealing Jagger with a bloody nose. "Where is Taint?"

Jagger wiggled his nose around and blew through it, clearing out some blood which rolled down his cheek. "On his way."

"Damnit." the man muttered as he reached inside his suit and pulled out a yellow stick of dynamite. He tucked it between the bedsheet and Jagger's chest and lit the fuse.

"Look, I don't see how setting off dyn-" Jagger said before being interrupted by the dynamite detonating in a ripping surge of electricity. "G-YAAAAAGH! FUCK! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HIRE TAINT ANYWAY EVERYONE KNOWS HE FUCKS AROUND TOO MUCH TO DELIVER SHIT ON TIME."

"Because he's the only one willing to haul crates full of things dug out of the Grand Crater."

"For fucks sake, they're probably all glowing green by now." Jagger replied, finding that the Gauss Dynamite had weakened the fabric of his bedsheets enough to tear through it. The morning newspaper reported an unconcious man with a severe neck injury found inside a hotel room and a sasquatch chasing a man in his underwear through town and in to the woods.


---


Loz pushed himself off of the ground, and tore a gooey strip of partially dried puke off his chin. "Is this mine?" he asked, looking at the large patch of muddy barf infront of where he was laying.

"Yours? Are you declaring it for yourself?" Horman asked, curled up on the ground, facing the wrong direction.

"This is puke. I don't want puke." Loz said, wiping the vomit residue off his hand on to the bald guy with a goatee's shirt.

"Oh. I thought you didn't want to share something cool." Horman replied.

"King's ass. When did we eat those leaves?" Donnelson asked, before dunking his face in the stream to wash up.

"I remember jerky." Loz said. He sat silent for a moment. "Where did those guys go? And the one girl?"

The man with the goatee rolled over and sat up. "I remember jerky, too!"

"I just said that." Loz said. His eyes widened and his mouth opened a little. "THAT WAS LEAF JERKY." he yelled. "WHERE ARE THEY? THEY WENT BACK TO OUR PLANE! DAMNIT, THEY ARE OURS! GET THE HELL UP YOU LOAFS! THEY WANT TO TAKE OUR PLANE!"


---


Three very tired people who had just spent their night walking to a plane wreck in the woods finally arrived at their destination in the early hours of daylight. Topaz was so tired she couldn't even climb in to the plane. Valk gave her a boost up, mostly because she was in the way, not because he wanted to be helpful. Myen grabbed and drank the cold contents of the perkelator hanging over the long dead campfire, which was at that point was mostly just coffee tar and a few bugs. He quickly spit it out and rubbed the awful crud off his tounge and on to his sleeve. Taint leaned out the window of Air Grumpkin, holding a coffee cup. "Haha, what the hell did you do that for?" he asked.

"I smelled coffee and figured the coffee pot would have some in it."

"Oh, thats where the damn thing went. I just used a bucket and lit a notebook on fire on the floor here."

"Was it the one you wrote that guy's name in?"

"Who?"

"Herman or something."

"Fuck that guy. Anyways, you want some fresh coffee or you doing good with the overnight boil?"

"I just want to get the hell out of here before those guys show up."

"Okay, yeah. I'm thinking about stealing their plane. Everyone on board?"

"Yeah." Myen said as he climbed up in to the plane."

Taint looked up out of the window. "Oh, AWESOME. This will work great. It's still up there." He said.

"What is?" Valk asked, trying to sleep in one of the seats.

"A rock. I tried out one of those dynamites. It's been up there since like midnight. Basically what we're going to do is set off some gravity shit, and then im going to drop a stick of pure dynamite out the door and just blast us straight up."

"That will break the plane." Valk said.

Taint looked at him. "Awwwww man. That's right. It will break my wrecked plane."

"You said yourself it wasn't that bad." Myen chimed in.

"Yeah, whatever. Since Sargeant and Leiutenant Bitch don't think it's a good idea we'll just start the engines after the gravity stuff then. Will that please you two or are you going to get your vaginas tangled together?"

"Thats fine." They both said. Myen walked back to the sleeping quarters and shut the door.

"You guys suck. Here, catch." Taint said as he threw the lit stick of gravity dynamite in to Valk's crotch. He was already asleep. "Nice snag." complimented Taint, who shut the plane's doors as the gravity dynamite swelled up and popped like a paper sack sending shredded wrapper floating in to the air. Valk was startled awake, relaxed, waved his hand to blow the paper away from him, and fell back asleep. Taint started the engines and slowly bumped the plane back and forth against the trees before finally getting up high enough to skim over the top of them in a circular pattern. "Ah, fucking left engine's dragging ass." He said before checking his map. He killed the right engine and the plane began to glide northeast. "This sucks. Valk, you suck."

---