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spank #634

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#634 <- dudley did 140!awards! ->


short stories
Dynamite Kingdom: Roasted Whatever
37 minutes, 34 seconds. -> <- 5:33:39 am, tuesday, may 29th, 2007 pdt
eyeballed 97 times since 02.14.08
part of chain: Dynamite Kingdom
Or How To Make Effective Holes In The Earth Friends and Enemies
first - previous - next - latest



"WE GOT RIPPED OFF." Taint yelled as he slammed the door to Grilldo's open and walked to a booth along the back wall. His crew followed behind and no longer worried about keeping a low profile since there was ony two other people in the restaurant. "DAMN. TERRY!" Taint yelled as he pulled a menu out from behind the napkin dispenser. He scanned over it breifly and snapped his vision towards the kitchen door. "TERRY!" He yelled louder.

"WHAT!?" a voice shot out as the door swung open to reveal a bald, heavyset man with a five o'clock shadow and a stained apron.

"I GOT RIPPED OFF."

"BY WHO?"

"THE FUCKING ARMS!"

"NO SHIT? HOW?"

"I HAULED A BUNCH OF SHIT OUT OF THE CRATER OF ALL PLACES FOR LIKE A WEEK'S WORTH OF SUPPLIES AND OTHER SHIT THAT YOU'D ONLY NEED ONCE IN A YEAR. CAULK! THEY GAVE ME THREE FUCKING TUBES OF CAULK!"

"YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME CAULK FOR A MEAL."

"FUEL VOUCHER?"

"...THE FUCK YOU WANT TO EAT?"

"Ah, shit. I didn't really look. Hang on. What do you guys want?" Taint said and pointed at his crew.

"We already ate, remember?" Topaz said. "A water would be okay though."

"Like hell! I'm giving that ass a fuel voucher for a meal for four and you just want a water? You're going to have the special. TERRY! WHAT'S THE SPECIAL!?"

Terry pushed open the door again and stood halfway in it. "YOUR SPECIAL OR MY SPECIAL?"

"What th-KINGS ASS! Terry the fucking arms are probably watching me right now do NOT bring up my special." Taint stammered out as he sat up and looked around the restaurant. "Screw it bring us some.... roasted.... whatever. Damnit."</p>Fifteen minutes later four dishes of roasted something-or-other was served up, which went mostly untouched by everyone except for Taint, who after finishing his own plate began to casually pick off of everyone else's plates while looking over his newspaper. Suddenly he pounded his fist on the table and knocked over his empty glass, and startled Valk.

"TERRY!"

"king's ass!" could be heard from behind the kitchen door. Terry kicked it open and placed himself between it and the door's frame. "THE HELL NOW?"

"The Arms Party got anything going on soon?"

"Yeah they got some tournament of some sort going on, some hand-to-hand team combat bullshit. Fucking thing reeks of a trap to catch that kid."

"Eh. They got a prize?"

"Last time they pulled shit like this its something they found in the castle. I think it was a bag full of some fancy shit."

"Fancy shit?"

"Yeah. Fancy shit."

"Fancy shit. We talking like capes and jewelry here?"

"Fancy shit." Terry shrugged.

"YES, FANCY SHIT. Answer the question."

"Yeah I guess. Hell. I just heard about it."

"I think we're going to get even with the arms."

"Awesome." Myen said.

"I am NOT entering a fighting tournament." Topaz blurted and gave Taint an intense stare.

"Okay. Fine. Don't. I wasn't. How does it make it even if we win the fancy shit fair and sqare? Hell, we're just going to steal it."



part of chain: Dynamite Kingdom
Or How To Make Effective Holes In The Earth Friends and Enemies
first - previous - next - latest



you can e-mail Dudley at -> rattar at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page

- Vinic <- 6:04:01 am, monday, june 4th, 2007 pdt
For a moment I feared that this would quickly turn into a Dragonball/Z fifty-eight chapter tournament featuring one fight every dozen chapters complete with a boring b-story about a prepubescent boy beating up Mork from Ork.

But then it took a left turn into vengeful Lupin III. I dig this.




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