RippingofftheAVGNagainWHOO

Game Boy:Hi, I'm Game Boy, and I kick ass.I'm a huge step above those one-screen LCD games.Hell, I'm practically a portable NES!
Game Gear: Don't get too comfortable, Game Boy.Game Gear is here to steal the limelight!I'm full color too!
(Game Gear's screen goes black)
Game Gear: Wait, hang on a second...
(Swaps batteries)
Game Gear: There!Like I was saying, monochrome is a thing of the past!There's an easier way to get color - ME!
Game Boy: Looks like you're spending batteries pretty fast there, chief.
Game Gear: Hey, it's not easy keeping this screen lit!Now move over!
Game Boy: Not so fast.I've got Tetris and Super Mario Land to back me up!What do you have on your side?
Game Gear: Uh, well... that's, uh, heh...
(Game Gear's screen goes black again)
Game Boy: Nothing, huh?Didn't think so.

Lynx: Step aside, Game Boy!I've got COLOR!You've got nothing on me!
Game Boy: Weren't you listening to the other guy?I've got the better games, you just suck balls.
Lynx: Oh yeah?Well I've got something you don't!
(Lynx's screen flips)
Lynx: I work right OR left-handed!
Game Boy: Do you work no-handed?
Lynx: What?
(Game Boy boots Lynx off-screen)
Game Boy: Come back when you get some games, joker.

(Years pass)

Game Boy upgrades to color at last.Learning from the mistakes of his predecessors, he does not feature a backlight.

Game Boy Color: Yes, it's good to be king.
Nomad: Ha ha, you're in for it now!
(Light goes out, swaps batteries)
Game Boy Color: Game Gear, I told you before: put up some good games or shut up.Not that it will matter since I have Pokemon now.
Nomad: Who the hell is Game Gear?My name's Nomad!
(Light goes out again, swaps batteries again)
Nomad: I play Sega Genesis games AND I'm full color!
Game Boy Color: Well, that is pretty cool, but you're burning batteries at an incredible rate.
Nomad:Hey, shut up!I've got Sonic, Contra, Gunstar Heroes...
Game Boy Color: And your batteries keep going out before you can finish any of them, genius.
Nomad:Oh yeah?Well, I have an AC adapter!Now I have unlimited power!Beat THAT!
Game Boy Color: Sort of defeats the purpose of a PORTABLE device, now doesn't it?
Nomad: ... You're right, it does!
Game Boy Color: Of course I am.Now beat it.

Game.com: I'm the game.com, and I'm awesome!
Game Boy Color:You're the game.com, and you suck.Next!

Sega:Hey, can we make games for you, Game Boy?
Game Boy Color: What?We're competitors, remember?You're making the Dreamcast right now!
Sega: We'll give you money!
Game Boy Color: Deal.

Game Boy gets another upgrade, becoming more powerful and adding two new buttons.

GBA: Another upgrade, another five years in the sun.
N-Gage: No backlight?Ha!What kind of lame-ass design is that?!I'M the superior handheld!
GBA: Hah!You're one to talk about design, Mr. Ugly Space Taco.What's with all those buttons anyway?
N-Gage: I... I'm a phone!
GBA: I thought you were a handheld.
N-Gage: I'm that too.See?I have Tony Hawk!
GBA: That series has sucked for years.Show me something new.
(N-Gage's screen whites out)
GBA: Are you okay?
N-Gage: ...
GBA: Guess not.

N-Gage QD: Ha!Fear my upgraded sleekness!I'm no longer a space taco!
GBA: Put new casing on a turd and you've still got a turd.Next!

Sony: You're going down, Nintendo!We're throwing our hats into the handheld ring!
GBA: Well, looks like it's time to evolve again.

(Game Boy Advance upgrades to Nintendo DS!)

DS: There, let's see them match that.Internal rechargable battery, a touchscreen, and backlights on BOTH screens.I just hope this wasn't a waste of time.

PSP: I'm the Playstation Portable, and I'm awesome!I play MP3s and UMD movies!
DS: Big deal, show me some games.I've got New Super Mario Bros, Zelda and Castlevania, AND I play all GBA titles to boot!
PSP: Check it out!RIIIIDGE RACER!
DS: You mean that boring racing game everyone got tired of years ago?
PSP: Shut up!At least it's a tried and true formula!Your games are gimmicky shit!
DS: Are they?Well, then what's this W.T.F. game here?Looks awfully similar to my Wario Ware... only crappy.
PSP: Er, no, it's much different!You play, uh... weird minigames!And you... uh, unlock...
DS: Uh huh.What about this one?"Ultimate Board Games"?
PSP: Hey, you're not the first to have board game collections, asshole!
DS: No, but my compilation has twice as many games AND online play for most of them.Yours doesn't even compare.If you're going to cash in on my ideas, at least do it well.Sheesh.
N-Gage Silver: Hahaha!Don't count me out just yet!I'm back and better than ever!
DS: You think that a paint job is going to be your saving grace?Get out of here!Now back to you, joker.You call me "gimmicky" and then you turn around and steal ideas from me.What's next?
PSP:Hey, look at this!I have... Final Fantasy Tactics!
DS: Yeah, I've beaten it before on a better console.Show me something that I didn't finish a decade ago.
PSP: I also have... Final Fantasy 1 and 2!
DS: OR two decades ago.Besides, what the hell are you doing selling those seperate when you can get BOTH of them on one Game Boy cart for cheaper?It's the biggest scam since that crappy .hack series.
PSP:Well, uh, you see...
DS:I've said it before and I'll say it again: the games make the system.Get some decent exclusives and then come talk to me.
PSP: Fine, I will!I have Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories and Syphon Filter!
DS: Well alright, you win one round, I guess... hey, what are you doing?They're out on Playstation 2 now!
PSP: Damn right they are!
DS: Why the hell are you putting your games on a console?It ruins the incentive of buying you!
PSP: ...Nobody bought them when they were portable.
DS: Hah!You're clearly no threat to me.Bring on the next victim.
PSP: Yeah, well, watch your back!The PS3's coming!
DS: A flagrant ripoff of the Wii's motion sensor, no third party support, AND it costs more than twice as much.Yeah, that'll go over well.Not.

2nd Generation N-Gage: Hey, remember me?I'm back again!
DS: Just give it up.Nobody cares.

- Aquas <- 3:04:07 am, friday, november 16th, 2007 pst