---

No really, don't. This shit's so wretched it makes Chapter 6 look like Sesame Street.


Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.


WHOOOOOA!


Hey dudes and dudettes, welcome to another episode of Viewtiful Gonterman! I'm Ace...


And I'm Chet!


... And this week on Viewtiful Gonterman, the next chapter of that atrocious and never-ending saga, Nami's Dark Little Secret, Chapter 13!


It's got more problems than both of us can shake a Control Pad at, and its author probably does too!


OH!


VIEW-TI-FUL GONT-ER-MAN!


Alright dudes and dudettes, let's POWER UP!


(Mushroom)


...And get another chapter DOWN!


Warning this fic is now rated M for Mature.


Or "Merde."


Lemon content.


Chapter 13: Nightmare


I find it ironic that this specific chapter carries the name when it would suit the fanfic in general.


“Well hello there...


Well hello there, neighor. Today we're going to visit the eighth circle of Hell! Boy, won't that be fun?


Sanji.” Talika smiled at him revealing her pointed teeth and causing a shiver to go down Sanji’s spine.


He gulped and took a step back. ‘This is wrong, so wrong. I can’t believe she’s getting off thinking about Luffy! This had got to be the first time I want to leave a half naked girl to herself!’


It wasn't the masturbation that caused his revulsion, it was the fact that she was thinking about Luffy.


Talika smiled at his unease and patted a cushion next to her. “Why don’t you join me, Sanji-kun.”


Sanji stood his ground. “I think not.


Thank you for that, I didn't need another horrid mental image today.


Besides what are you doing down here Talika? I thought you were afraid to even enter this temple let alone...come down here for some ‘alone time’.

- Miles Edgeworth
"Alone time"? It's like he's talking to an eight year old.

- Spoony Spoonicus
Juvenile language for a juvenile fanfic.


Explain yourself.”


Talika pouted. “Must you talk to me in such an impolite manner? It’s like you’re accusing me of something. Why else would I be down here...I came for you.”


“Liar.” Sanji scoffed after all he had just heard her moan Luffy’s name quite clearly. “It’s not me you want.”


Talika raised an eyebrow at him. “What I want...is just pure carnal pleasure. So why don’t you come here and we’ll have some fun.” Talika purred.


Sanji shook his head in an effort to clear his mind that was becoming muddled from Talika’s alluring voice.


Because, of course, men are all addled lunatics that lose all self control at the sound of a woman's voice.


And all women are nymphomaniacs with scary fetishes.


“No! I-I’ll fight you if I have to!”


Another of Sanji's key traits down the shitter.


Talika stood from her place on the cushions. “You would fight a woman?” She questioned.


“Y-yes.” Sanji lied. ‘Damn how did I get myself into this mess! Right...I just followed my instincts. Damn my insticts! Oh well...getting killed by a beautiful woman who wants to do naughty things to you can’t be so bad right? I’m so screwed.’


Or you could just, you know, turn around and leave.


Talika smiled as she continued her approach towards the now trembling Sanji. ‘So father was right, this boy’s weakness is women after all. How extremely pathetic. This battle will be over before it has even begun.’


ooo


Be sure to grab those coins, Ace!


Got 'em all in a row, Chet!


High Five!


YEAH!


VIEW-TI-FUL GONT-ER-MAN!


“By the order of Captain Gluttony you two are to be taken under custody.” Came a voice suddenly.

Luffy and Nami both looked up and were surprised to see that they were surrounded by the elite armed forces of the cannibal tribe. Had the king betrayed them? Their spears were all pointed at Luffy and Nami and Luffy’s hold upon Nami tightened protectively. He wouldn’t allow them to touch a single hair upon her head if he had anything to do with it.


Such vivid memories. It seems only a week ago I was reading this very paragraph.


They both stood, Luffy’s arms still around Nami, to face their new opponents. He let go of Nami before turning to face his new enemies.


“I would come quietly if I were you.” The king’s second in command suggested.


"Can I come loudly?"


“Yea right.” Luffy said as he cracked his knuckles. “BRING IT ON YOU CANNIBAL FREAKS!”

Standing in front of Nami he unleashed his first attack upon them. “Gomu Gomu no Whip!” Luffy cried as he stretched out his leg and tripped up several of the cannibal warriors. The others that were still standing attacked Luffy by hurtling their spears at him.


Leaving themselves completely unarmed.


Luffy quickly twisted his body into strange positions to avoid their intended marks.


But he forgot that Nami was standing right behind him and one of them hit her right in the eye. Whoops!


“Gomu Gomu no Axe!” Luffy yelled as he stretched out his leg bringing it high up into the air and then down with a crash. It hit the ground with tremendous force causing small tremors to be felt within the room and the ground around Luffy’s leg to crack. A large crack opened up in the floor and made its way towards the cannibals.


Several of the cannibal warriors ended up falling into the crack which had opened up a giant crevice that went down down down into the bowls of the earth.


We've apparently wandered into a He-Man episode.


Luffy looked around and watched as more warriors began to enter from the other side of the room. There were too many of them and fighting them in such a closed space would give Luffy limited options. He decided it would be best to go back to the main chamber were the skull was held to fight them there instead.


Grabbing Nami hand he suddenly broke off into a run through the broken wall that he had crashed into because of Nami’s Tornado Tempo. “Nami! Follow me!” Luffy exclaimed as they were passing along the wall’s side. Suddenly a wave of pain hit Luffy and he lost his balance and careened off to the side and knocked into the side of the wall with a smack.

“Luffy!” Nami cried as she had been pulled into him when this had happened. She looked at his face searchingly not liking what she saw. His face was beaded with sweat and slightly flushed. Nami looked down at the bandage that was wrapped around his waist and saw that the red stain had gotten bigger. This meant that Luffy’s wounds had reopened.


Suddenly we're reading A Series of Unfortuante Events, a children's book that makes everything blatantly obvious.


“I’m ok Nami...don’t sound like that.” Luffy said through gritted teeth as he tried to steady himself but only succeeded in using to much energy and sinking to his knees. “Damn...these wounds are nothing! I have to keep going! I have to keep fighting!” To protect her... Luffy took a deep breath before standing once more and with a surge of energy he pulled Nami along with him until they passed through the wall with his indentation and into the main chamber.


The cannibal warriors were close at their heels and Luffy quickly pushed Nami behind him as they began to pool into the chamber. Damn, it was like the whole tribe was here! Why had this happened? They had returned the treasure and this was the thanks they got? Luffy frowned. His vision was slightly dizzy but he knew he had to keep on fighting. “Arrrrghhhh!!!!!” Luffy ran at the cannibals. “Gomu Gomu no Gatling Gun!” Luffy cried as he unleashed a flurry of punches at the nearest cannibals. They raised their spears but Luffy’s powerful punches simply broke their way through them. A few of the spears nicked the sides of his arms but it wasn’t enough to stop Luffy from continuing to pummel the cannibals to the ground.


“Regroup! It is only one enemy!”


Well, two, but one of them's not really doing much for some reason.


The king’s second in command said in a slightly exasperated tone. His eyes drifted over to see Nami who was watching wide-eyed as Luffy continued to dish out blow after blow. A sly smile formed on the second in command’s lips.


We're less than two pages in and he's still unnamed. We're about to witness the fanfic equivalent of being picked off during the opening credits of a horror movie.


Nami twirled around swinging her Clima Tact weapon low so that she tripped up three cannibals that had been trying to catch her off guard from behind. She couldn’t stand back and let her injured captain take on all these cannibals by himself now could she?


She's been doing a pretty good job of it so far.


She smiled as she watched Luffy’s back knowing that he was watching hers. Together they began to fight off the cannibal warriors that seemed to keep coming and coming. It wasn’t long before Nami felt herself getting worn out and frowned thinking how Luffy must feel...


Luffy’s breaths were coming in and out in short gasps although he tried to hide this fact from Nami as best he could. He knew he couldn’t last much longer but he knew he had to finish this fight. He had never started a fight not to finish it. He moved forward and staggered. Again he was feeling dizzy as his vision swirled. Damn. He had to finish this off quickly. “You’re all going to be defeated in five seconds!” Luffy declared. “Nami get behind me.”


“Right.” Nami said as she pressed her back up against his.


“Follow my lead.” Luffy told her. “Gomu Gomu no Power Gatling Gun!!!!” Luffy’s arms shot forward with such speed that it looked like Luffy had multiple arms. They hit the cannibals with such force that they were sent flying backwards into the pillars that lined the chamber’s walls. Then Luffy turned and continued to unleash his attack so that the cannibals that had been next to those were hit next. Turn...and keep turning.


"I learned this trick from Asteroids!"


Nami following his movement by keeping pressed up against his back as he moved so that she would never be in his line of fire. Soon the last cannibals fell to Luffy’s powerful attack.


Nami sighed in relief. “You did it Luffy.”


Luffy turned to face her and tried to smile. Nami looked over the state he was in and it ate at her heart. He could barely stand and blood was now seeping from his bandages and dripping to the stone floor.


“Ah!” Nami shrieked as she felt something pierce the side of her shoulder. She looked back at her shoulder in disbelief to find a spear imbedded there.


A ringing shout of "GET OVER HERE!" was heard, and before she knew it she was flying eight feet in the air in a torrent of blood that vanished moments later.


The sight was enough to bring Nami sinking to her knees.

“Nami!” Luffy said as he stumbled forward.


Nami suddenly found herself being raised off the floor by her hair. She looked back and saw the man who had been giving orders to the cannibals.


So is this Mr. unnamed second-in-command or is it another person entirely?


Somehow he must have managed to avoid Luffy’s last deadly attack.


“Well, well, well, what do I have here?” He leered down at her revealing his pointed teeth.


Author just can't get enough of pointing out that their teeth are, in fact, pointed.


Dick Grayson, age twelve.


Screw teeth! Teeth are for gay people! Why do you think fairies come and get them?!


“Let her go.” Luffy said in a deadly tone.


Luffy's secret attack - he says something at the exact pitch that liquefies the brain of anyone listening.

The infamous "Black Note."


The leader raised an eyebrow and looked Luffy over before laughing mercilessly.


Laughing mercifully is so passe.


“What? And you’re going to make me? You can barely stand. And if you even so much as try anything...” He brought up a dagger to hold it at Nami’s throat. “You’re little wench will die.”


Great, now they're speaking in Engrish. Like I didn't have to put up with enough of that back in the 80's.


“Nami...dammit.” Luffy looked back at her helplessly. Maybe if he had enough strength to perform some kind of highspeed surprise attack he could save her but...even now his vision was fading. No he had to keep on fighting for her! He had to at least try. “Gomu Gomu no pistol!” He cried as he sent his fist flying forward aiming for the guy’s head.


The leader barely made it out of the way in time,


"If he hadn't telegraphed it with that second-long shout, I may well have taken the hit!"


he was thoroughly surprised that the boy had that much strength left. He was getting desperate, he had to end this now. “Now that was stupid. Do you really want to see her in pain.” The leader said as he let his dagger pierce the delicate skin of Nami’s neck causing her to whimper. She had never felt so helpless. Blood was trickling down her neck from the wound he had given her. “Now, surrender boy or the wench dies.”


“You fucking bastard.” Luffy growled.


"I aught teh clobber yeh!"


Luffy found himself between a rock and a hard place...he wanted to fight before the last of his strength gave out but Nami’s life was in danger. And he knew this man was getting desperate enough to even go so far as to kill her. He had no choice. Luffy dropped his arms to the side. “Alright I surrender. Just please...don’t hurt her.”


The leader smiled as he approached Luffy. “Wise decision. Now hands behind your head and lie down on the ground.”


“No Luffy don’t!” Nami cried. The leader threw her down on the floor next to Luffy before reaching into the sash that was tied around his waist to pull out two hand-cuffs. He then came over to Luffy and quickly put them on him.


Luffy suddenly felt all of his remaining strength drain from him entirely. He felt weighed down and couldn’t even find the strength to move his pinky finger.


"Okay, here I had two choices. I could have either

A) Dove for my weapon while he was distracted and taken him out with a Cyclone Tempo or
B) Insulted him and let him have his way with me."


“What did you do to him?!” Nami demanded seeing Luffy slowly falling into unconsciousness.


“The shackles are made of sea stone that’s all. My captain has informed me of your captain’s weakness. Pity really he nearly had the battle won.”


“You bastard!” Nami spat at his face.


The leader simply wiped the spit from his cheek and when he looked back at Nami his eyes were filled with a murderous gleam. “You’ll pay for that bitch!” He quickly backhanded her.


It will cost twenty seven dollars. One bitch for twenty seven bucks? I mean, come on, I'm practically giving them away!


Nami cried out before she fell unconscious collapsing onto Luffy’s still form.


"Guess I should have gone with A."


ooo


Ussop was continuing to sneak down the darkened passageway when he heard something behind him. He slowly turned his head around and his eyes widened when he saw a bunch of armed cannibals were behind him...and they did not look too happy.


His mouth dropped open. “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Ussop suddenly yelled taking off into a run the cannibals hot on his heels.


That's all he'll likely be doing this chapter.


ooo


Nami yelped as she hit the ground. Her arms were bound tightly behind her back with thick rope as well as her legs. Luffy was tossed down on the ground next to her still unconscious.


"Don't I get seastone cuffs?"
"Shit, no! We're on a budget here!"


From his seat the Cannibal King stared back at the two of them with hard eyes. His eyes then traveled over into another direction and following his gaze Nami saw that the cannibals were tossing logs to feed the fire under a gigantic iron pot which was beginning to boil. Nami gulped they couldn’t be planning what she thought they were planning were they?


They really were. They were re-enacting a common gag from the Tazmanian Devil cartoons.


One cannibal was even prancing around it, chopping a carrot in such a way that the pieces flew into the pot!


Before she could answer her own mind she heard a stream of curses.


Which weren't offensive enough to show here, apparently.


“Get your hands off of me you shitty bastard!” It was Sanji’s voice.


Hope welled up in Nami as she searched for him but it was quickly shattered as she saw that Sanji had also been captured. Talika was escorting two cannibals that were carrying Sanji, who was tied to a long stick like a rack of meat or a pig about to be taken to the slaughter.


Throw another cliché on the barby!


How the hell did that moron get caught? Nami wondered in disbelief. When she caught Talika’s knowing smile she moaned. That idiot! I should have known! Nami hung her head. He was truly hopeless.


Sanji was tossed next to Nami and Luffy.


“Sanji where’s Ussop and Zoro?” Nami questioned.


“Dunno, those shitty bastards! They better come and get us out of this mess. I’m a chef not an entree! I’m the one supposed to be doing the cooking here!”


Uggghhhhh.


Sanji squirmed in his bonds.


“So Talika huh?” Nami questioned sarcasm evident in her tone.


Sanji looked back her guiltily. “It’s not what you think.”


“Uh huh-” Nami was saying.


“Silence! You are a talkative one aren’t you wench?” Captain Gluttony glared at her. “You will be the first to sate my hunger...your fine flesh...it will be most tender no doubt! Put her in the pot!” He ordered and soon several cannibals were hovering over Nami.


"That's called the Reverse Balducci. And for our next trick..."


“Don’t you dare touch me!” She shrieked bringing her knees close to her body and then out so that she kicked the nearest cannibal in the shins.


“OW! You damn bitch!” The cannibal bellowed as he sent hit foot flying into her stomach.


"The detachable foot, ladies and gentlemen!"


*cheers and applause*


Nami yelped from the pain.


“Get away from her you shitty bastard!” Sanji growled.


“Don’t worry you will be joining her shortly.” Captain Gluttony grinned.


Nami was lifted up in the air and the cannibals began to make their approach towards the gigantic boiling pot.


Can this really be the end? There doesn’t seem to be a way out of this one. I’m in a real pickle this time and Luffy...he’s out for the count. Oh Luffy... “Luffy I don’t suppose you will be able to help me will you?” Nami finished her thought aloud.


“Toss her in.” Came the command.


“ARGGHHHHH!!!!” All heads turned to the sound of the fiercesome yell. They saw that Luffy was awake now and struggling against his shackles. His ears elongated and became pointed. Nami looked into his eyes to see that they had taken on a red tinge...his teeth had become long and pointed and as he caught her looking at him he smiled at her.


It was -him-.


Elfish Satan, at your service.


He was trying to break the shackles are he stretched and pulled. His biceps bulging as he tried to break them with pure strength alone.


Please let it work...please let it work. Nami said a mantra in her mind. Please...Luffy save me.


“Gluttony how dare you plan to cook my woman alive! Release her now!” Came Luffy’s commanding voice. Nami couldn’t help but think it was so different from Luffy’s carefree scratchy voice, this one was more calm, cool, and menacing.


Somehow she didn't notice it every prior time he turned.


Captain Gluttony raised an eyebrow at Luffy. “And pray do tell why I should listen to you? You are the enemy of the Seven! By order of my leader you shall be destroyed along with you crew!”


If you haven't guessed the BIG PLOT TWIST by now, you definitely can after this.


“By order of your leader you say?” Luffy scoffed. “Or were they the orders of Captain Bloodlust?!”


Gluttony looked taken aback. “How did you know about that?”


“Do not make the same mistake the others have made by hurting my woman Gluttony. It would be in your best interests to release her.” Came Luffy’s haunting voice.


“Ha! Don’t make me laugh! I have you confined with shackles made of sea stone even now with this interesting transformation of yours you are still powerless to do anything against me. Your efforts are simply futile. No one who has eaten of the Devil’s Fruit can withstand the effects the sea stone has upon them. Now toss her in!”


“Don’t you dare Gluttony. Don’t you dare! Do you realize how you are talking to!” Luffy warned.


"Why yes, I do have a bit of a lisp. I've been working on that though."


“Monkey D. Luffy, yes I am well informed.”


“Oh, but you’re wrong there Gluttony so very wrong. I am not Monkey D. Luffy at least not anymore.”


“Idle threats that mean nothing. Proceed!” Captain Gluttony waved a hand at his men to continue. Nami felt herself being raised in the air.


Tears streamed down her face. So even with -his- power this is still the end. Even -he- wasn’t powerful enough to resist the affects of the sea stone...Goodbye Minna (everyone).


Another of the dozen or so words that Japanophiles cling to like gospel.


Odd that she felt compelled to explain this one, but not any of the others.


Nami closed her eyes as she prepared to feel the boiling water consume her and death to take her.


“T-the great Captain Ussop has arrived! Halt your evil deeds!” Ussop’s voice rang through the clearing. “Backed by my force of 1,000,000 men tremble before my awesome strength!” Nami opened her eyes wide to see Ussop who was standing on the fringes of the clearing, he had his sling shot poised ready for an attack. Ussop...her dear friend. He had come to help even though he didn’t stand a chance.


I don't know, he made out pretty well against two Devil Fruit users and one ridiculously strong guy all on his own.


Tears came to Nami’s eyes as she though, You idiot...why even bother! Run away and save yourself! “Kemuri Boshi!” Ussop fired a projectile that went hurtling towards Nami and the cannibals.


It exploded on impact suddenly filling the entire clearing with smoke.


"Now I can't see what I'm shooting at! Man, I should have thought this through better."


“Takanami!”


The method by which one can make 50,000 credits in only a few minutes of work?


That's "Takonomics."


A voice was heart that made Nami’s heart swell. Suddenly a rush of air went swirling past her and the cannibals that were holding her were blown away.


Zoro. Good ‘ol dependable Zoro!


Nami looked up through the smoke and only saw a flash of steel and the bonds at her hands and legs were cut. “Here’s you weapon. Try not to get yourself killed.” Came Zoro’s voice as Nami felt her Clima Tact being shoved into her arms. Before she could tell Zoro thank you he was already gone.


ooo


A breath...the breath of the steel...Zoro could hear it! That was it...the place to cut...the time to cut. It was all suddenly made clear.


“Shishi SonSon!”


Zoro’s blade flashed as he brought it down upon the sea stone shackles that his captain had been wearing.


Despite the author loving the Alabasta arc SO MUCH, she forgot that Zoro can't cut through seastone.


On top of that, he was next to dead before he noticed the "breath of steel", and it was referring to Mr. 1's body being made of steel, not his own sword.


Why do I get a mental image of him cutting most of his legs off just to get back to his near-dead zen state so he can take a whack at those handcuffs?


SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Attempting to read this fanfic without enough alcohol in your system is hazardous to your mental health.


Luffy stood up and rubbed his wrists. He turned his red eyes on Zoro and smiled. “Thanks, I owe you one Zoro.”


“Anytime Captain! Now go kick that guy’s ass!”


“I intend to do so.” Luffy agreed as he ran off in the direction of Captain Gluttony.


Gentlemanly language for a spree murderer.


ooo


Zoro quickly ran over to free Sanji next. The cook hopped up and quickly jumped into action. He flipped onto his hands and wasted no time in dishing out some good old fashioned revenge. “Quasi!” Spinning his legs like a pinwheel his feet connected with the cannibals’ jaws knocking them out for the count. “Now this I can handle! Not some damn sexy but freaky cannibal island princess!”


“I’m not even going to ask.” Zoro smirked highly amused.


The two of them attacked back to back and supported one another as the cannabis began to attack them and as the smoke began to clear...


ooo


Nami ran through the smoke knocking cannibals out cold with her Clima Tact in its bo form as she tried to find Luffy.


Wipe out a dozen of them with one weather trick or take them out one at a time and look cool doing it.


Show off in a fight and you'll only get killed!


He had to close by. She wouldn’t allow for herself to get in his way again but she wouldn’t leave him alone in all this either. Finally she heard it. The sounds of a fierce battle raging...it had to be him!


Nami ran towards the sound and soon she found him.


“Lu-” Her breath caught in her throat at the sight before her.


“Gomu Gomu no Cat-o-nine!” Luffy yelled as he elongated his fingers and flung them backwards before flinging them forward at his opponent.


Nami looked to see Captain Gluttony on the receiving end of the attack however it didn’t seem to faze him much. His body was now protected by what looked to be his own bones piercing from out of his skin.


“He he he he.” Captain Gluttony laughed as he put a hand on his giggling belly. “I have eaten the Hone Hone Fruit and so I have the ability to use my bones as weapons and as a defense mechanism.”


Funny, I thought his Devil Fruit power would involve eating people.


Already been done.


“Charming.” Luffy sneered. “Try this on for size then! Gomu Gomu no Constrict!” Luffy shot both of his arms out at the same time and they quickly began to twist themselves around Gluttony’s body much in the same fashion that a snake coils around its prey. He then began to squeeze.


“You still don’t get it do you?” Gluttony smiled revealing all his pointed teeth. “Let me show you then, boy. Hone Hone Spear!”


“Itteeee!!!” Luffy cried out in pain and Nami watched in horror as she saw that bones now protruded from Luffy’s arms. Somehow Gluttony had managed to have his bones poke out of his body in the shape of spears and pierce right through Luffy’s arms.


"If only he would have explained this two seconds ago. Oh, wait!"


Luffy quickly brought his arms back which were no wounded in several places. “I’m not done yet! Gomu Gomu no Noose!” Luffy’s hand shot forwards and wrapped itself around Gluttony’s neck.


“Fool!” Gluttony simply caused bones to come out and around his neck in order to protect himself.


Madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.


His defense was nearly impenetrable Luffy had to give him that. Well, how about we see how good his offense is then. “Gomu Gomu no Talon!” Luffy cried as he lunged at Gluttony his claws outstretched before him. Luffy took a swipe at Gluttony’s stomach only to be thwarted by a long bone that Gluttony had suddenly pulled out of his own arm that he was using as a sword. “Disgusting and unpractical.” Luffy sneered at Gluttony pulling out his own bone like that.


“Ah, but my body can regrow bones again and again as I need them.” Gluttony informed him.


How wonderfully convenient.


“Great just great.” How the hell am I supposed to beat this guy. Suddenly a flash of orange caught his eyes. Nami...what the hell was she doing here? “Nami! Get away from here!”


“But Luffy I want to help you!”


“The last thing I need is your -help-. You’ll only get in the way again.” Luffy shot back at her, a cold look in his eyes.


Nami gasped in shock. Luffy had never used that tone of voice with her...had never really even said something mean to her. But even though it hurt Nami sadly knew he was right. She just couldn’t help herself though...she didn’t want to be away from him. She wanted to stay by his side and fight.


“He he he he he.” Gluttony laughed. “You are weak Luffy...you are distracted in the heat of battle by a mere woman! Hone Hone Arrows!”


Suddenly bones were flying in the air towards Luffy and he barely managed to leap out of the way in time. Luffy looked up to see that Gluttony’s hand was pointed at him. Had he launched bones from his fingers? As if to answer his question Gluttony launched another barrage of finger bones at Luffy.


Don't ask the question when you already know the answer.


Luffy ran as the bones crashed into the earth behind him.


“And now to prove my point.” Gluttony told him as he slowly turned to face Nami and then raised his hand pointing his fingers at her. “I wonder if you will be able to make it in time to save her. Hone Hone Arrows!”


I really hope that pun wasn't intentional.


This is the same creative mind that brought us "boy hamb--


Stop, don't remind me.


Several bones went flying in the air at sickening speed.


Just above Light Speed, but a shade below Ridiculous Speed.


Nami’s eyes widened in shock as she saw the bones fly towards her. It all seemed to happen in slow motion as she raised her Clima Tact in hopes of being able to deflect or block the attack somehow.


“Fuck!” Luffy cried as he saw Gluttony launch his attack at Nami. Damn him for playing dirty and using her against me like this! Damn him to hell! Luffy quickly ran towards Nami but as he got closer the bone arrows neared Nami even faster. It didn’t look like he’d make it in time.


Well...I might not be able to make it but maybe...


“Gomu Gomu no Shield!” Luffy cried as he stretched his arms quickly in front of Nami.


Nami closed her eyes as he awaited the feeling of bones piercing her flesh but instead she felt a hot liquid hit her face. She opened her eyes and gasped to see Luffy’s arms were out in front of her protecting her. They had shielded her from Gluttony’s attack and now his arms were full of finger bones. Nami looked down and saw that she was covered in Luffy’s blood.


Nami turned to glare at Gluttony. How she hated him...how she hated all of this. Her weakness...the truth of her weakness. And Luffy...even when his aura was radiating pure evil there was enough good in him to still worry about her welfare. “You’re wrong Gluttony! It doesn’t make him weak! It makes him human. Cyclone Tempo!”


Inspiring Speech: +4 Bonus to next attack.


Quickly transforming her Clima Tact into its T-shape she shot her boomerang attack at Gluttony. The X shaped projectile


No continuity whatosever, even within the same paragraph. It's like reading Time Cube: The Fanfic.


went flying through the air towards Gluttony and before hitting him created a powerful wind that sent Gluttony flying backwards and into a tree which broke in half from the impact, shards of wood flying through the air.


Wait, when did they move outside?


“Not bad...for a woman.” Luffy smirked at her.


“Hmph.” Nami huffed.


Luffy ran a hand through his sweat-slickened hair. “So got any bright ideas of how to defeat this guy? He’s like a walking fortress.”


“Why are you asking me?” Nami looked back at him suspiciously.


“Well since you can’t stand being away from me for even a second, and since I suppose you’re going to stay here whether I like it or not you might as well make yourself useful and come up with some sort of plan to get us out of this. I’ve lost too much blood...and Nami...I know you can think of something. It’s one of the things I admire about you - your quick wit.”


Called her a worthless shit five minutes ago and now he's asking her for help. Go figure.


“Riiigght.” Nami looked back at this new Luffy warily. Well, if it was a plan he wanted she wouldn’t fail. Think Nami think...he can protect his whole body with his bones...shields all attacks...he can make weapons...that can pierce through nearly anything...a weak spot...a weak spot.


“He he he he he he.” Gluttony laughed as he pulled himself off the ground. “The wench wants to play too does she.”


Alright, that insult's getting overused. Switch to "trollop" for a while.


Nami shot Gluttony a hateful glare. Then she noticed something...his disgusting thick pink tongue could be seen just past his sharp teeth as he laughed......


Nami smiled. She had an idea...it was a strange idea but it just might work. She looked over to Luffy and gave him a slight nod. “Just follow my lead Luffy.” She said as she took off in a dead run towards Gluttony.


“Right behind you babe.” Luffy said as he followed.


“Now! Hit him in the mouth hard enough to break his teeth!” Nami cried suddenly just when they were in range. Nami was running behind him so that Gluttony’s eyes were focused on her as she said this. His eyes widened as he suddenly snapped his head back to Luffy. Luffy’s attack was already underway however.


“Gomu Gomu no Pistol!” Luffy cried as his fist was sent flying into Gluttony’s mouth. A sickening cracking sound was heard and Gluttony’s teeth were shattered.


“Ahhhhhhh!” Nami cried as she leapt into the air, her Clima Tact in its bo form, she then pointed her staff downwards towards Gluttony’s mouth.


Gluttony’s eyes widened as Nami’s bo slipped past his lips and into his mouth.


“Thunder Ball!” Nami cried as she unleashed a ball of electric energy into Gluttony’s mouth.


“ARRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!” Gluttony bellowed as he was being electrocuted from the inside out.


This scene brought to you coutesy of Yu Yu Hakusho.


Or Silent Night, Deadly Night 2.


“Nice.” Luffy complemented her as she watched Gluttony’s hair frizz out.

Nami hopped down removing her Clima Tact from Gluttony’s mouth. Gluttony’s body fell to the ground with a sickening thud. His body was still smoking and it had shriveled up as a result from being electrocuted.


Nami couldn’t help but smile at his compliment but was also disgusted that she had done such a deed.


Oh, what you're going to do next is far worse.


“I suppose you’re not entirely useless after all. I suppose I’ll allow you to ‘stick around’.” Luffy sneered at Nami as she glared back at his condescending attitude.


Aaand misogyny's back in full swing five seconds after it left.


Suddenly Talika came running up to them. Her eyes went from them and then to her father...


“Father!” Talika cried as she rushed over to his side. She reached out a hand tentatively but then took it back. She bit her lip against the tears that threatened to fall. She then turned to glare at Luffy. She stood up and came over to him and began to pound her fists into his chest. “How could you! How could you do this?!” The tears were flowing down her face freely now as she waited for a response.


"Remember how he tried to kill us? We tried back."


Luffy simply raised his hand and wrapped it around her thin neck.


Before Nami realized what he was doing she heard a snapping sound.


Nami gasped in horror as Luffy tossed Talika’s limp body aside. He had broken her neck.


All mediocre villains' deaths should be this quick and clean.


Luffy then turned back to Nami and the stare he held in his eyes made her take a step back. He didn’t fail to notice this however. In fact he looked slightly amused by it. “Now Nami didn’t I tell you that you could trust me?”


“You’re not the one!” Nami choked out.


Bullshit! Morpheus told me so.


“Oh? But I am Nami...” He said as he calmly approached her. “Besides, what are you so afraid of? Do you really think I would kill you when I went through so much trouble to save you? I think you owe me some thanks...and I know just how you can make it up to me.”


Luffy wrapped his arm around Nami and brought her in for a bruising kiss. Nami struggled in his grasp but it was useless as he easily overpowered her.


Luffy pulled back and looked back at her - a mischievous gleam in his sparkling red eyes which were filled with desire.


Luffy then leaned in again and kissed her in a different manner.


Now it's a scalding kiss!


Nami gasped in surprise as a swirl of confusing emotions and sensations filled her. Luffy nibbled at her lower lip and Nami moaned into his mouth. Luffy took this opportunity to plunge his tongue into her mouth. At first Nami was too shocked at how this dark Luffy was making her feel but soon found herself giving into the kiss. Their tongues battled together in a heated passion.


When Nami parted from him she was short of breath. She looked back at Luffy with a mixture of shock, confusion, awe, and...desire. She was shocked at herself. She shouldn’t be attracted to -him-. This man before her wasn’t the man she truly loved, he wasn’t the Luffy that she had fallen in love with but...some side of her buried deep down in her tainted soul craved the touch of this man. It began to fill her with need and desire and before Nami realized what she was doing she was wrapping her arms around Luffy to pull him towards her for another kiss.


Luffy’s hands began to roam her body and Nami leaned into his caresses that made her body tingle and heat at his touch. She began to gain more confidence and assurance in herself and began to run her hands over Luffy’s body while being mindful of his wounds.


This is now the second time they've killed somebody and then fucked each other over their victim's corpse. It's pretty damn disgusting.


It's even worse now that one of them's gushing blood and the other's coated in it. Urrrrghhh.


The remainder of the cast seem to conveniently vanish whenever a sex scene starts.


Leaving the area to throw up, I imagine.


This can’t be happening...this can’t be happening. Nami thought in a haze of disbelief. Soon she felt Luffy slipping her shirt over her shoulder to where it dropped to the ground. Nami looked down in embarrassment as she lay bare before him since she hadn’t been wearing a bra. She looked back at him tentatively and saw the desire in his eyes...but she was surprised to see something else in his eyes - need. This was all Nami needed to see as she began to help Luffy remove his shirt as well.


Luffy looked down in embarrassment as he stood bare before her since he hadn’t been wearing a bra.


In a matter of seconds all their clothes were discarded about the ground and as they caressed each other and kissed each other their passions began to build. This shouldn’t be happening...this is wrong. My first time with Luffy shouldn’t be like this, not when I’m both afraid and excited at the same time. And not with -him-. But I just can’t seem to stop myself...Nami could feel Luffy’s hardness pressing against her thigh...she knew he wanted her. Luffy trailed his hand down brushing it over her thigh before parting her legs inserting a finger into her depths, feeling that she was wet, she too was ready.


Luffy lowered Nami’s body to the ground before lying on the ground next to her. He then positioned himself over her and continued to caress her skin trailing his fingers over her stomach and around her breasts, her magnificent creamy flesh, he decided to take one of the buds into his mouth and sucked on it until it hardened at his touch. Nami moaned and arched her back. She was loving the way Luffy was making her feel...and the need that was stirring within her for him was becoming too much for her to bear.


“Luffy...I want to feel you inside of me.” Nami breathed as Luffy was taking her other peak into his mouth. Luffy grinned around her breasts as he slightly bit down, the pleasure and pain mingling as one. Luffy then spread her legs and prepared to enter her. He lowered his head down to kiss Nami fiercely before plunging his aching need into her.





Nami cried out with the force of his thrust in mix of hurt and passion. He then began to move inside of her and Nami began to arch her back to meet his every downward thrust. He was instilling a fierce passion in her as well and she racked her arms across his back drawing blood. Luffy drove himself into her faster and harder until she was crying his name in pure ecstasy.


Luffy came soon after and plopping down on top of her grunted with male satisfaction.


This is now a Home Improvement fanfic. Sorry readers!


He finally felt complete...and oddly enough so did she. But as she looked back at the red-eyed man on top of her doubt swirled in her chest...What have I done. Tim can you ever forgive me?


A single tear trailed down Jill's cheek...


ooo


To be continued...


AL: This chapter is still in the revision stages but I wanted to put it up for you guys. Please forgive the quality of this chapter


Now if only we could get an apology for the quality of every chapter.


when I have the time I will revise it more thoroughly. Thanks again for your reviews!

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- Spoony Spoonicus <- 9:06:01 pm, friday, february 22nd, 2008 pst
- Dudley <- 10:24:16 pm, friday, february 22nd, 2008 pst <- (updated 10:24:34 pm, fri, feb 22nd, 2008 pst)