The Lardpirates, commonly known as "Those Assholes" to most, have enjoyed a long and fruitful history both on the internet and off. The most prominant members included Captain Flapjack (a man of many talents, including the three-fingered flipoff), Harry Larry (first mate and lucky boulder enthusiast) Mr. Syd (wealthy merchant, amateur basket weaver), Salty Edward (a man known around the world for his skill at billiards and crushing people with thrown billiards tables), Lobster F. Wheel (1960s sitcom fetishist), Aquas (Sysop of the Great Barrier Reef), Shyna L. Mesenjaro (feeds solely on white chocolate), Jagger Jordash (half man, half romance anime), Stephen Milhouse, Cutlass Jen (reportedly fears nothing), King Yellowfish (not actually a king), Squidfoot (filthy stoner), Dread Scrogg (bathed stoner), and Bitchy Helga (whereabouts unknown, presumed too fat to leave house), among others.

All of them shared the common background of sort of liking a famous work of art in a community of people who jerked off to it ritually. Deciding finally to leave the disgusting little cult in 1699 due to the beloved Squidfoot being too cool for school, they sailed around for years searching for a port to call home, but none would have them. It was then that Flapjack and Larry decided that if nobody would invite them in for tea, they'd make their own. And it would be the most badass tea. This is a metaphor for a seafaring art gallery, nicknamed The Poopdeck, which opened in the year of 1702 to great success. The Lardpirates worked feverishly, sometimes long into the night, to create works of art that were so unique that some people failed to see its stunning goddamn brilliance and wrote it off as trash, but fuck those guys. fuckin' pricks.

Following up their success in the field of the visual arts, the crew decided in the spring of 1703 that they would take a stab at writing as well. And stab they did. Writing bled profusely from the abdomen, spilling its precious fluids into what is now known as the Waggoner. It was here that the Lardpirates documented everything that could not be transcribed through paint and brush. Short stories, reviews of popular drinking games, personal musings, yu-gi-oh strategies, and also a place to display letters of marque from countries that they wouldn't give a rat's ass about, even considering their vast supply of rat asses and asses of other lowly beasts.

It wasn't until year 1707 that the Lardpirates joined in the then-new fad of "Blogging", or keeping a journal but leaving it out in the open for anyone to read. It was mostly pointless, as most blogs are. They called it the Brig. Whatever. Fuck it.

In the year 1708 the crew came upon a brilliant idea. Why not, you know, show all their works to the general public? It made perfect sense to them. Literally dozens of people were doing the same and drawing PAYCHECKS from doing so! Fat, feed-your-family paychecks! Holy balls! They had to get in to this shit! Flapjack and Larry then rushed to the nearest printsmithing shop, thirty dollars clenched in their gigantic sweaty fists, and began to "purchase" through clever brown-nosing and even more clever skull dentings ad space in publications around the world. Nobody cared, however, and they all died pathetic, meaningless lives scattered all across the slummy off-strip bars and diners of Las Vegas.

Luckily, in 2002 Vinic J. Beverage and Chainsaw D. McKraken found their ancient works in an old Packard Bell computer with 30 megs of hard drive space running windows 3.11 in a hotel room closet that interestingly enough they weren't renting, unless you count unlatching the window from outside to climb in and snort lines of captain crunch dust off of the DVD case to The Royal Tenenbaums to be "renting". Retinal scans performed on them and the Packard Bell revealed that it belonged to their ancestors, Flapjack and Larry, respectively, and published their works for the modern world to see. Soon other such descendants of the original Lardpirates discovered their forefather's horrible shame and tried in vain to keep people from seeing it, but Vinic and Dudley are assholes and keep slowly feeding it bit-by-bit to the internet, and even placing on each work the names of the original creators current-day relatives.

- Dudley <- 1:42:18 am, tuesday, february 26th, 2008 pst
- Vinic <- 4:47:10 am, tuesday, february 26th, 2008 pst