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As you run, chop, trample, eradicate, decapitate, disembowel, bludgeon, pummel, humiliate, annoy, and stumble your way across this great land, dear adventurer, there will be either two results: 1) you will become more and more respected with each passing murder/rescue/thievery, or 2) you will die. In the event of the former, do read on. In the case that you're dead, be kind enough to drop this book from your cold dead fingers so the man or woman that did murder you and has gained a great reputation can read on in your stead.

You're an adventurer. You know the drill, you get to a town, you find a dude standing around doing nothing, and you ask him if he happens to have any highly dangerous errands or murders for you to perform (see Quests, pg. 20). You are constantly put in your place, given these orders from people of higher caliber (i.e., dudes who are tired of doing the same lame shit and have the cash to hire goons to either get the job done, or get killed getting the job done for a hilarious story to tell), and as your level of badass maturity grows, you need to know where you fit in the grand scheme of social hierarchy. Also, so you don't give the finger to the wrong guy and end up as the second option in the first paragraph.

Here is a brief list of the most common caste system classes you will run into as you hop between the larger kingdoms of the land:

6. Peasant
You should be familiar with the peasant, as most adventurers were former peasants who resorted to adventuring because of a few common reasons (see Reasons to Become an Adventurer, pg. 3). The peasant is the lowest social class, comprised of men and women with little to few useful skills. They are usually delegated the jobs of shit-cleanup, rock, food, or tool hauling, or listening to the stories of better people, hopefully you.

Your first quests come from these low-lifes (it's fine to call them this, even they will admit their own worthlessness -- see Understanding Your Worthlessness, pg. 676), usually involving you getting conned into doing their shitty work for them for a few measly silver until you've grown strong enough to give them the finger and not get it literally sliced off and given to them. Your time spent living amongst these swine should be at a minimum.

5. Working-class Joes
Blood-of-the-earth guys, good people. These are the common types you'll run into in towns. They're the blacksmiths, the bakers, the guys who may not get their shit wiped by peons, but someone else definitely cleans out their septic tank for them. It's a good idea to treat these people with respect, as they run most of the shops you get all your early to mid-range weapons, armor, and shitty potions from. However, once you're enough of a hardass you can just kill dudes for their gear instead of paying legitimately for it, so most importantly: they run the inns, and you don't need to wake up with wet pants and a hand in a glass of water. You keep all your shit in your pants, and you really can't afford such a wicked burn in this line of work.

Once able to leave your shitty home behind, you'll be assigned adventuring duties from this lot for a good while. Your first taste of mercenary work will no doubt be from the local bar or brothel. Don't take escort duties seriously; it may feel embarrassing to drag some half-retard to another town because he can't read his map, but it's just our culture's way of introducing you to new territory. Besides, who knows what sort of blood, sweat, and tears you'll generate on this new terrain.

A decent adventurer is considered a member of this social class, job title: Ass-kicker.

4. Mayor
Most often, a corrupt son of a bitch. But a corrupt son of a bitch with money and command over loose women. Get in good with these guys, as it will help you jump to the good jobs adventurers fight over: killing pissed-off dragons, stealing lab plans from a neighboring town, eradicating a local goblin hoard. These guys dish out your first taste of real adventuring. And it is the most delicious meal a man can get. Unless he's willing to give up one of his women.

When respected enough in a town, even the mayor will bow down to you. If you make it this far, consider yourself accomplished. Word will begin to spread of your deeds and hopefully attractiveness. However, this is also the time to begin watching your back. Always remember, adventurer: you are replaceable, you are plentiful. You are worthless.

3. Noble
You won't make it through three towns without running into at least a pair of these purple-clad, British-accented assholes. Usually it will be a quick glance at one, maybe even overhearing a tale or two about how a local governor-noble raped his maid or installed a catapult next to a wall and fires his maid's bastard children out of it. These are the bullies, the smarmy types. Corrupt, moral-less men who will do anything to be better than you. Usually, they are. They had to kick some good ass to get here.

They also pay top-dollar, so as soon as one is willing to look at you, you take whatever job he's offering. Do it. I don't care if it's punching your mother in the face, you do it. Because if you don't he's got a catapult and 25 other adventurers who are more than willing to strap the competition down to it. Also: hot daughters. Or, a hot, ignored wife with needs. That last one's only an option if you've got balls, or the bigger axe.

If you get accepted into their class (usually by banging a hot daughter or wife and living to see the next day), then disregard all negatives associated with this class. Because now you are one, and fuck the other guys. Find catapult schematics immediately.

2. Princes and Princesses
Princes are usually annoying crybaby sissy-boys, feel free to disregard them. If you're smart, you bypass these dicks and go straight to the king, because he's in need of some heroes, and more importantly someone to fill the role of his son, a pussy. Or, if the guy's got some muscle on him, take him to a local bar, get him drunk, find a back room and take embarrassing photos of him with a passed-out old man. "Blackmail" is its own skill-set, you know. Or, tell him about the nearest dragon you know about and call him a pussy. These dudes get themselves killed so easily.

The princess, she's another story. These vixens are most always hot, and most always poor with directions. Your top priority is to score a quest rescuing one of these dumb blondes from wherever it is she ended up. If not for the respect of her father, do it for the sure-shot of getting some action.

However, tread lightly, adventurer. Once you bang the daughter of a king, you're pretty much hated by all other adventurers, and allegiance-tied to her kingdom. To take a quest from a rival land would place a bounty on your head, and you'll soon be the S.O.B. the working-class joes are handing out wanted posters for.

Or, blackmail the king. The dude didn't get his crown legitimately, so there's bound to be something to hold over his head if you dig far enough.

1. The King
Speaking of the king, these dudes are the real deal. They are tougher, meaner, more pissed off, and hornier than you'll ever be. However, they're also fatter. This gives you an edge. Quite a large, round edge with a massive stabbing surface area.

Your best bet with these guys is to first do any and all jobs they have for you. Usually it will result in not only getting you laid and adored by thousands of people, but it will also get you some of the best quality alcohol you're ever going to find. Brews before screws, adventurer. Booze before cooze.

Once you're sharing a brandy with a king, consider yourself his adopted son. This is a good place to be as an adventurer. This gives you first dibs on all bounty hunting work, not to mention hot tips on the nearest giants and ogres. You won't have any trouble with gear from here on out, as the only person who should have anything better is the king, and he's eight sizes larger than you.

For most adventurers, this is the life to be content with. However, some would prefer to be the man in charge. We do not recommend it. Being the king requires shouldering responsibilities and duties, something you're proven you cannot provide simply by choosing your line of work. Furthermore, a king as to care about (or at least pretend to) several thousand people. Adventurers are bad at this. To get to this point, you have to not care about pretty much every individual you've crossed paths with. When most of your time is spent watching other dudes die, caring about whether or not the zoning board is going to approve a sewer system in East Bumfuck is a matter of little consideration, because to you there is only one solution: kill them. It's hard for dead people to take a shit (at least more than once), so then there would be no need for sewers, and the money can be better spent on more beer.

Besides, even if you were to become king, there are two large and important reasons why we do not recommend doing so:
1. You will be hunted by nearly every adventurer in the kingdom and surrounding lands, not to mention your own nobles and probably son.
2. You have to have a Queen.

0. The Queen
She's really in charge. The king is her bitch.

Do everything she says.

Having sex with her is not for your pleasure, but hers.

You can never be the queen.

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