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What separates your excelled and respected adventurer from the common thief, murderer, or asshole is a keen sense of when it is appropriate to kill something. Knowing when to shove that knife just a little bit more into that throbbing body so the heart explodes with that trademark snare drum smack can mean the difference between high fives, tits, or money (or a handful of them all) and your own heart causing a premature break-up of the classic rock band that is your being.

This is a skill honed mostly through experience, dear adventurer. But do not fret, our scared and possibly shitless student; we have been fortuitous enough to catalog a pair of lists containing very helpful examples of when to kill something dead and when to just sort of rough it up a bit to lead you in the right direction, compiled from both recorded experience and bets. You will quickly find that it becomes almost second nature to understand when ending a life should get the thumbs up, and when backing the hell off can get you laid.

WHEN NOT TO KILL IT
1. It's not trying to kill you (see Don't Be an Asshole, pg. 6).
2. It's a bomb.
3. It's blowing you kisses.
4. It's giving you hugs.
5. It's your mother. And she's knitting you a really rad sweater that says "HARDNESS".
6. It's just some dude chillin' eating a burger and minding his own goddamn business.
7. It's yourself.
8. It's the guy who cuts you your checks.
9. It's your grandfather. Time paradoxes suck, alright?

WHEN TO KILL IT DEAD
1. It's trying to kill you first (see Don't Be a Pussy, pg. 7).
2. It's a party-bomb. (When you kill them they explode into one hell of a party.)
3. It's blowing you up.
4. It's giving you a free leg removal, on the house.
5. It's your mother. And she's a total bitch, making you clean your goddamn room. You're 32, shit.
6. It's some asshole trying to kill you when you're just sitting here chillin' eating a burger and minding your own goddamn business.
7. It's some asshole pretending to be you. The nerve.
8. It's the guy who cuts your checks, but instead of cutting your check he's trying to cut you.
9. It's your grandson. Fuck him, you can make another one.

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- Buddy Hatchett <- 11:28:42 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt
- O'Doyle Flush <- 11:29:31 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt
- SOUND FX <- 11:30:00 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt
- Buddy Hatchett <- 11:31:02 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt
- Stoic Tom <- 11:32:42 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt
- O'Doyle Flush <- 11:33:14 am, friday, may 2nd, 2008 pdt