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the waggoner
the waggonerspank #853
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#853 <- dudley did 140!awards! -> random insanity
Defend Your Castle (WiiWare)
14 minutes, 2 seconds. ->
<- 8:00:43 pm, saturday, may 17th, 2008 pdteyeballed 191 times
part of chain: Virtual Console Quick HitsWe love Virtual Console but man fuck writing a full review of something we just paid six dollars for. Have a Quick Hit instead.
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Theres a bunch of scurvy goddamn stick figures rushing at your front door and you have to pick them up and throw them one by one to keep them from wrecking the whole joint. When you complete a day, you get your points tallied up which you can then use to buy upgrades for your castle, which there are five. The pit of conversion is the most important, it allows you to huck guys down it so later they can be used to further defend your castle. The second is the archer tower, you throw converts in it when you want them to be completely useless. The third is the mage tower, which gives you spells that will instantly remove one selected enemy every minute or so (one convert), convert one to your side
instantly (35 converts), or just drop a big friggin' fireball on them (100 converts). The third is a demolitions lab, one of your dudes wheels a bomb out onto the field and explodes everybody near him, and the last one is a mason tower, which repairs your castle over time.
Once you buy all 5 theres not really much else to do than jam mages into the mage tower and get that fireball spell, then jerk off your wiimote like a diseased freak for the next goddamn 20 minutes. No strategy, no challenge, and not very goddamn fun. They could have added better spells to your mage tower, the ones you have are almost hardly worth using. They also could have had more than four types of enemies (normal, battering ram, bomber, cyclops). It also could have relied less on you waving your remote around in a retarded frenzy and relied more on the way you set up your towers to keep enemies from smashing your shit down.
The only merit it has, really, is the unique way the game is presented. Everything is just made out of random junk. the heads of the attackers are made out of shirt buttons and bottlecaps, the battering rams are popsickle sticks, and even your cursor is a plastic clip from a loaf of bread. The backgrounds are made from cottonballs and construction paper and the score screen looks like someone's terribly messy desk in the back room of a privately owned gas station. The major flaw of this style though is pretty major: Your damn castle. It looks like it was drawn in flash using vector, which maybe is a reference to how the game got its start, but why here? it looks way out of place and ugly as hell.
Even at 500 wii points I can't honestly reccomend this game to anyone, unless their arm just came out of a cast and they were looking for a way to rebuild strength and control in their atrophied wrist muscles.
score:
part of chain: Virtual Console Quick HitsWe love Virtual Console but man fuck writing a full review of something we just paid six dollars for. Have a Quick Hit instead.
first - previous - next - latest
you can e-mail Dudley at -> rattar at lardpirates which is dotted with a com -- or hop on contact page
- Azul Rojo <- 10:06:23 pm, thursday, june 5th, 2008 pdt
I kinda like this game; it's good for a bit of mindless fun. I think they kind of buggered up the Wii version, though. I started playing the original game a bit today, and noticed a few big differences:
-You have to pay 200 points per wizard and archer, and 50 points per repairman. If you don't have the points, you start losing units. This doesn't happen in the Wiiware game.
-In the original game, there was no way to tell when the stage was going to end. They added a sun to the background in the Wiiware version, which is helpful.
-The friendly units in the Wiiware version have been made stupid. In the original, 40 wizards means your spell bar will charge up really fast, and you can auto-convert 3 or 4 enemies in a few seconds. 40 repairmen keep your castle in good condition, even when the enemies are beating it up. And with 100 archers, many of the enemies don't even get onto the screen. Now, when you play the Wiiware game with the same numbers of units, they don't do jack shit for you. You don't want to use your spells too often, because they take forever to charge. Your castle doesn't get repaired very quickly, so you don't want enemies to get in close. And your archers can't hit anything worth shit, so you get swarmed by enemies. Making the game a little harder would've been a good idea, since the original would basically play itself once you got enough archers. However, the Wiiware game is just friggin frustrating in some parts.
-The multiplayer option is a nice touch. However, the amount of enemies that appear on multiplayer is INSANE, especially in later stages. And that "you can put the remote down for a few seconds and the game will adjust" bit is a little off. It takes about 10 to 15 seconds for the game to register that someone has dropped out, and in that time you can get your ass kicked.
Okay, that was a long enough response. The game's good for a bit of fun every now and then. It's best played in short spurts.
score:
-You have to pay 200 points per wizard and archer, and 50 points per repairman. If you don't have the points, you start losing units. This doesn't happen in the Wiiware game.
-In the original game, there was no way to tell when the stage was going to end. They added a sun to the background in the Wiiware version, which is helpful.
-The friendly units in the Wiiware version have been made stupid. In the original, 40 wizards means your spell bar will charge up really fast, and you can auto-convert 3 or 4 enemies in a few seconds. 40 repairmen keep your castle in good condition, even when the enemies are beating it up. And with 100 archers, many of the enemies don't even get onto the screen. Now, when you play the Wiiware game with the same numbers of units, they don't do jack shit for you. You don't want to use your spells too often, because they take forever to charge. Your castle doesn't get repaired very quickly, so you don't want enemies to get in close. And your archers can't hit anything worth shit, so you get swarmed by enemies. Making the game a little harder would've been a good idea, since the original would basically play itself once you got enough archers. However, the Wiiware game is just friggin frustrating in some parts.
-The multiplayer option is a nice touch. However, the amount of enemies that appear on multiplayer is INSANE, especially in later stages. And that "you can put the remote down for a few seconds and the game will adjust" bit is a little off. It takes about 10 to 15 seconds for the game to register that someone has dropped out, and in that time you can get your ass kicked.
Okay, that was a long enough response. The game's good for a bit of fun every now and then. It's best played in short spurts.
score:
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all content copyright their respective authors/artists.
no portion of any content residing on lardpirates.com may be reprinted in any form without prior written consent -- this is serious business, the internet.
best viewed at a resolution at least 900 pixels wide, in any browser other than internet explorer for the love of god. try firefox! opera, even!
this website is much more badass with javascript enabled. if you cannot use javascript, then you need to hop in the delorian and get the hell out of 1995.
hosting provided by dreamhost. they are good people. i know, mysql is a bit slow, but whatever this ain't youtubespacebook, so get over it.
if you wish to bitch and moan at us, do so from our contact page.
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